Sex 101 with Princess Nokia, Part 3: Secrets

In the third installment of our series with hip-hop royalty Princess Nokia, we ask: when should I hold secrets from my partner?

Complex Original



This interview was performed in partnership with LifeStyles Condoms, whose “Smart is Sexy” campaign aims to empower men and women and change the conversation around sexuality by redefining what it means to be sexy and feel confident.

When entering the world of dating, one of the biggest fears a person can have upon meeting someone new is oversharing. Everyone wants a little mystery—as mysteriousness is often perceived as attractive—so it can be stressful for someone to put all their cards on the table, leaving themselves bare and completely open. The last thing you want is to give too much of yourself only to be rejected. There is a common sentiment in the dating world that the less detail you give the better, so that you leave your potential partner wanting more rather than wanting less of you.

This is not the case at all for Princess Nokia. A quick spin of her most recent reissue 1992 Deluxe, and it becomes more than evident that Nokia—real name Destiny Frasqueri—is all about openness. She's a spiritual storyteller who will tell you every agonizingly gross detail of her life in a magnetizing fashion. See lines from her 2017 single, “Bart Simpson,” where her descriptions toe the line between innocent relatability (“Carrying my CD player/ Sucking on a Now or Later/ Sour Apple was the flavor/ Scribbling on doodle paper”) and raw honesty (“I'm not eating/ Eczema so bad I'm bleeding, but I smile and keep it cheesing”). Keeping it real is of the utmost importance to Frasqueri and in the end, it just makes her that much more likable.

Talking with Nokia, we asked her about the role secrecy plays in her romantic life and why a sense of openness is such an important attribute for her to find in a potential partner. Here is Princess Nokia, in her own words:

“Nothing about my past or my past experiences makes me shameful or embarrassed, so I'm very honest when opening up to my partner. I try to let that be the basis or the foundation [on] which I share a bond with my partner, because I want my partner to be just as passionate and wacky and somewhat complicated as I am. I tend to look for partners that match my lifestyles and my behaviors so that there's never a reason for [conflict] or a reason for guilt.”


“[Sometimes] I wish I could be [the kind of] person [who holds secrets], I wish I could be able to be mysterious, but I'm not like that. I'm not aloof at all. I'm loud, I'm super comedic about my life, and I always try to look for partners who are the same about theirs, and with that I just try to always find a partner who I can have a laugh with who completely understands me before I begin to share anything.”

“I like to put everything on the table. I think that sharing experiences with a person is very valuable, because it allows you to have a bond to become closer. I'm not a typical woman, you know what I mean? I've got a lot of male energy. I bring my balls to the table and I hope that someone can do the same.”

I go on vibration entirely, and all of the loves of my life, I fell in love with them the day that I met them.

“I never 100% know [if a partner is being completely open with me], but I think that female intuition is a very sacred thing. I go on vibration entirely, and all of the loves of my life, I fell in love with them the day that I met them, so I trust their character, and using my own intuition I hope for the best. That's all you can do. I don't go into things distrustful. I try to keep an open mind.”


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