A 53-year-old man from Long Island perhaps best known for referring to himself as, quote, "the Mooch" has been fired from his role on what is arguably the worst reality series in television history, the Trump presidency. Anthony "I'm Not Trying to Suck My Own Cock" Scaramucci will no longer portray the communications director character, the New York Times reported Monday mere moments before I took a shot and high-fived the stranger next to me.
The reason for Scaramucci's ousting, sources said, was his decision to report directly to this fucking guy right here instead of the chief of staff. John F. Kelly, chief of staff, reportedly requested the Mooch be relieved of his duties.
In a press briefing, press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders claimed Trump felt Scaramucci's comments in the recent New Yorker piece were "inappropriate for a person in that position."
But before we launch into a bunch of tweets from hilarious people laughing at a jobless mooch, let's recount a selection of ways in which Scaramucci's firing is a fucking delight:
- Scaramucci told the New Yorker he wanted to "kill all the leakers," only to have his own firing reported just days later by *clears throat and shouts loudly* FUCKING LEAKERS.
- While Scaramucci's son was being born, Scaramucci was reportedly nowhere in sight. Instead, he was with Trump. Also, he's getting divorced.
- Scaramucci once paid, like, $100,000 for a trivial cameo in a shitty Oliver Stone movie.
Anyway, here are some tweets:
And here's a hilarious Mooch-inspired script that was literally rewritten just moments ago in light of this glorious news.
Scaramucci hasn't publicly commented on these developments, so I'm just going to treat this bizarre 2013 tweet as some sort of prescient commentary:
Lmao. Fuck this White House.