I was born in 1986, right on the cusp of the digital transition. I can remember what life was like before the Internet (Spoiler alert: It was not lit). I had to smush my dick against a scanner bed to, with their consent, email fly chicas a Pablo Picasso likeness of my Bone Malone. You youths today have never had the pleasure of explaining an obvious mushroom print and dick outline smudge on a scanner to your parents like, "I have no idea what that is. Oh yeah, wait, I did try to scan a too ripe plantain for a science project. I think that's what it must be." I mean, have y'all ever even had to use a scanner?
It's a fact that old people do not understand the Internet. There is even a descriptor that I learned about in college for them: "Digital Immigrants." LOL, I am in massive debt, fam. To them, the Internet is a mysterious traveling circus of Internet Explorer Toolbars and Army Family Reuniting Videos. Obviously, we know that the Internet is way more than that. For one, it's a place where you can get paid for knocking back a couple of Redd's Wicked Apple Ales and writing think pieces for a highly sus, yet respected, menswear website. But, more than that, the Internet can make you powerful, relevant and influential (even when you are none of those things IRL). You can get paid for not creating, and in some cases, not even doing, well, anything. However, you'll still have to occasionally explain to your relatives and acquaintances what exactly it is that you do. They don't understand that doing stuff on the Internet is respected. The conversation can be daunting and painful, but we here at the Pins are made up of nothing but #influencers. We've been there. And we're here to help. Here's how to talk to people about being an #influencer.
Justin Roberson is an #influencer. Follow his influential Twitter account here.
1. influencerlead
2. you are an influencer
3. klout score
4. listicle
Show Them The Listsicle Complex Made That Included One Of Your Tweets
Whip out your phone and go to your bookmarks to pull up the "Twitter Had No Chill When [Insert Thing That Happened]" post Complex included one of your tweets in.
Everyone knows you aren't shit until you've been crowdsourced.
5. twitter followers
6. followsyou
Show Them All The Powerful People That Follow You On Twitter
If the sheer number of Twitter followers doesn't convince them that you matter, then open up the meticulously curated Twitter list of all the famous people who follow you.
"Mario Lopez? Yeah. That's right, bitch. AC Slater from Saved By The Bell favorites all my pizza-related tweets. I talk to this Weird Twitter person named AT PISSY CUM JEANS with, like, 200K followers. Regularly. John Legend's Wife has retweeted over 1 and a half of my memes.”
FFFFFFLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEXXXXXXXXXXXX
7. you started trends
8. free swag
9. famous people grams
10. cash
11. 1099s for days
12. ruin their life
