10 Things to Buy for Your Dad for Father's Day Based on His Past (and Present) Vices

Before you ruined his life, your dad was a pretty cool guy who did cool guy things. Buy him the presents he would've wanted.

Jun 11, 2014
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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

Before you came along and took your dad's swag from 100 to a flat zero, he was probably a pretty cool guy. He probably stayed out late, bagged up quite a few women besides your moms, and enjoyed all the pleasures that life affords a young man. Then you slithered out and life became completely about you. Dude had to give up all his hobbies and sins to feed, clothe, and shelter you.

In return, the least you can do is get him a dope gift that takes him back to the good ol' days (that is, if he truly did give up his personal vices). This year, give your dad something that he actually wants and can use. These are 10 Things to Buy for Your Dad for Father's Day Based on His Past (and Present) Vices.

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For the dad who was cokeboy before that trend existed on Tumblr.

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Peanut Company

If your dad used to toot then he'd definitely appreciate this little gizmo from Peanut Company. The discreet pendant is hollowed out for skiing at all times of the year, and can be worn as a necklace or a keychain.

Buy It Now at Rakuten, $127

For the dad who can't control his sweet tooth.

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REI

This balaclava will provide him some of the tough love that he doled out for so many years.

Buy It Now at REI, $29

For the dad who blew your college savings on his gambling habit.

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Topman

If your dad's going to be a degenerate gambler, at least he can rock a suit and appear classy as opposed to rocking the penny slots all damn night. 

Buy It Now at Topman, $340

For the dad who stole your weed.

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Jungmaven 

This polo and all of Jungmaven's goods are made with hemp, a fact that vibes with your pops' pothead and Earth-friendly ways. 

Buy It Now at Jungmaven, $98

For the dad who still thinks he can trick his wife into thinking he quit smoking.

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Tom Ford

If you help your dad sneak a smoke now and then, there's a much higher chance he'll let shit slide and/or give you a serious loan when you fall victim to a Ponzi scheme later in life.

Buy It Now at Barneys, $72

For the dad who missed your baseball games because the fish were biting.

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Engineered Garments

Just like you, your dad has his priorities. If fishing is at the very top of his list, then make sure he's kitted out right for landing the big one. Maybe that'll make him forget about the time that baiting the hook made you nauseous and you straight up came off as a giant pussy.

Buy It Now at End, $145

For the dad who wasn't allowed to drive you around as a child in his souped-up street-illegal whip.

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Supreme

So your pops grew up racing whips and tearing up the neighborhood. Once he got a family and job, that lifestyle had to head to the junkyard along with his beloved ride, but you can remind him of the glory days when his need for speed was all-important and he wasn't pushing a mini-van with a babyseat.

Buy It Now at eBay, $90

For the dad who put in the work that finding porn on TV used to require.

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The Hundreds

Before porn was ubiquitious to the point that we could find it without even looking for it, dudes had to really search that shit out. Magazines, antennas, and even one's imagination were all rare resources that had to be seriously finessed. We have it too easy these days, bruh.

Buy It Now at The Hundreds, $68

For the dad who can still beat you in a beer funnel race.

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Billykirk

Some decisions in life are tough. If you want your younger bro to get a decent college education, then make sure you help your brewski-loving dad out with this handy money organizer so the young bucks in your family can at least go to State.

Buy It Now at Gilt, $35

For the dad who secretly worships Satan.

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KTZ

So you stumbled upon your dad worshipping Satan. Could be much worse. And at least now when he tells you to go to Hell you think it's kind of a compliment?

Buy It Now at KTZ, $250

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