The 25 Worst Finishing Moves in Pro Wrestling History

Last week we gave you the 25 Best Finishing Moves in Wrestling History, and as we learned in school: "for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." We're pretty sure Isaac Newton was referencing physics pro wrestling with that quote and so here — as is the natural order of things — is that reaction. One thing most of the older moves have in common is a level of dissatisfaction that our young hearts couldn't process at such an early stage in life. The others are current and (in our nostalgic opinions) can't hold up to the grapplers of wrestling's past. Either way these terrible moves are good for any kids who may be watching; learning disappointment at a young age will only prep them for the daily realities of adulthood. These are the 25 Worst Finishing Moves in Pro Wrestling History.

Note: This list is heavy (if not entirely) made up of WWF/WWE moves. The reason? Well besides the fact that it would take a couple years to research every finishing move in a "pro" league, you can't really hold guys making gas money to the same standard as the WWE.

Wrestler: MVP

Unfortunately we're more experts of getting our asses kicked (rather than kicking ass) but it seems like all you'd have to do is stand up and MVP would tear his groin. Some things in life you don't even need Mr. Miyagi for.

Wrestler: Wade Barrett

Yes, in this particular video Wade Barrett is hoisting and dropping a 440 lb. half-man/half-Grand Piano, but--still--does it not seem like gravity is doing the work? On a lighter man the throw is more violent and definitely comparable to an "Attitude Adjustment." Had I thought about that last week I wouldn't have placed A.A. on the Greatest Moves List.

Oh well, every once in a while you change your mind.

Wrestler: Dolph Ziggler

Dolph Ziggler sells moves as well as anybody in the WWE (which prevents this compilation of his best Zig Zags from looking terrible). In fact, all that effort makes this move looks like it hurts him more than his competition. Try it on an unsuspecting neighbor and we're sure it'd hurt like hell, but as a way to end a drawn out battle? There's way too many better finishers out there.

Wrestler: David Otunga

The worst verdict since Casey Anthony was found not guilty. Nah, not really.

But it is pretty generic.

Wrestler: Umaga

There is no exact science to choosing these. One man's "Canadian Destroyer" is another man's "Banzai Drop." But we'd like to think it's a combination of a visceral, gut, "holy shit did you see that?" reaction combined with technical skill. Basically, if you and your friends can pull it off on the living room floor then it's not becoming of a pro. So when you watch a guy packing 350 lbs. (a lot of which is muscle) and all he can do is jab his thumb into a dude's throat? Well, nobody would blame you if you went from ecstatic to Jack White.

Wrestler: Ultimate Warrior

A move unbefitting of a legend. When you're going to sell the splash, you got to get some altitude. Seriously, Woody Harrelson's getting more air than that.

#1992slam

Wrestler: Earthquake

If you want, lump Yokozuna's Banzai Drop in here as well. This type of conclusion leaves a lot to be desired but one thing's for sure, there is no kicking out of it.

Wrestler: Sgt. Slaughter

When you're spending money on PPV you expect something a little more sophisticated than what fifth graders dish out when there are no adults around.

Wrestler: Doink the Clown

It doesn't happen in the video but there used to be a farting noise that accompanied Doink's ass-to-abdomen contact. If that's enough for you then we commend you for maintaining the innocence (and sense of humor) of an eight-year-old.

Wrestler: Kung Fu Naki

Did you ever meet that kid on the playground who always went into some sort of karate stance moments before getting his head forced into a toilet? This is that concept grown up. And that delivery is what sets it apart from moves like, say, Sweet Chin Music.

Wrestler: Chris Masters

Taking a (very basic) move that already exists (the Full Nelson) and naming it after yourself is like coming across something that already exists (the Mississippi River) and naming it after yourself.

Wrestler: Bobo Brazil

Be thankful that you weren't born 50 years ago or you would've had a rotary phone, a black and white TV, and (when you got older) ColecoVision would've made your head explode with it's graphical prowess. Basically what we're saying is that all life prior to 1994 pretty much sucked. Wrestling was no different. If you don't believe us check the finisher of Hall of Famer Bobo Brazil, a standard headbutt. Now call your dad and thank him for waiting until stuff got cool before sticking your mom.

He'll be happy to hear from you.

Wrestler: Hacksaw Jim Duggan

A former football player for SMU who probably would've stuck with the Atlanta Falcons if it weren't for knee injuries, Jim Duggan did his best to bring a little gridiron action to the squared circle. Unfortunately, there's really no reason for the stance and all it did was add one basic maneuver to another. Trust us you and your best friend could pull this off without a hitch, but if he's not around your seven-year-old nephew is a suitable substitute.

Wrestler: Jerry Lawler

There's easier ways to connect your fist to somebody's face. For instance: punching them.

Wrestler: Ox Baker

You can definitely stop somebody's heart by punching them in the chest which is why we'd advise you not to do it (unless, of course, you're a murderer, in which case it would be okay). This is something that Ox Baker was accused of on two separate occasions. And even though both deaths were freak occurrences (one a burst appendix, the other a heart attack) you'd think that that stigma would scare the hell out of future opponents. That is until you see it in action and realize if a fly was on that chest it would still absorb the impact and buzz away unscathed, potentially returning later for its revenge.

Wrestler: Zack Ryder

Some of these selections took some thought and others chose themselves. When you take a guy to the mat with your crotch, you fall into the latter category.

Wrestler: Mankind

Some people loved this move, some people hated it. No matter what side of the fence you were on you had to wonder: why does nobody just bite his fingers off?

Wrestler: Hulk Hogan

Earlier we said the Ultimate Splash wasn't befitting of The Ultimate Warrior so you can imagine where we stand on this. Hulk Hogan finishing off a great match with a leg drop was the equivalent of Beethoven capping his Ninth Symphony with a Nickelback cover.

Wrestler: Bastion Booger

This has probably happened to you a million times playing Halo online, but in front of an audience of millions? There's really no way to prep for that.

Wrestler: The Great Khali

As somebody who's pretty much half-assed everything he's ever done, I can appreciate laziness when I see it. But a standard chop? When you're 7'1" 350 lbs. I guess you can get away with that.

Wrestler: Scotty 2 Hotty

When you wait half a minute, it'd better be worth it.

*Waits half a minute*

Nope.

Wrestler: Hornswoggle

We're assuming this is self-explanatory.

Wrestler: Big Show

It's not like we don't think a punch to the face from Big Show would hurt, but it definitely lacks in the originality department. Besides, even a little kid has to wonder why you'd need to work an opponent for ten minutes just to pull this off.

Wrestler: Rikishi

Anyone who says wrestling is fake never had to smell that.

Wrestler: Santino Marella

The goofiest finisher hands down. We'll take Rikishi's ass all day over losing to this.