The Lamest Reasons Flights Have Been Delayed

If there's one thing people love to tweet vitriol about it's airlines. Er, Twitter hates University of Alabama kickers, The BET Awards, and Drake wearing Dada too, but mostly airlines. Because of their baggage fees, aggressive checkpoint pat-downs, and—most egregiously—flight delays, our bastions of air travel get about as much love as a deadbeat dad on Maury. While it's not always the airline's fault, flying is often times a folly-ridden experience. Don't believe us? One look at our list of The Lamest Reasons Flights Have Been Delayed, and you'll become an Amtrak believer.

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Airline: British Airways
Date: August 2013
Level of Frustration: Inadvertently dropping your iPhone on the concrete and shattering the screen.

You know the old saying, "When in Florida, do as the Floridians do," AKA get roaringly drunk and threaten people with haymakers? A British man takes that adage to heart in the airspace over Orlando when he allegedly spits on a flight attendant and randomly challenges other passengers to fight. Judging by the accused Sean Jude Kelly's mug shot, one especially competitive flier may have taken him up on the offer.

Date: January 2013
Airline: American Airlines
Level of Frustration: Your team losing on a pick six in overtime.

During a layover at Miami International Airport, celebrity chef-turned-TV host Anthony Bourdain is told that his flight to the Grand Cayman Islands is being delayed due to a "special situation." Shortly thereafter, he tweets, "Latest news is it took AA two hours to admit a passenger dropped a wet deuce on a seat. Need to change planes." SMH. Nothing worse than when a grown man throws a wrench in your travel plans by defecating in the plane's cabin.

Airline: U.S. Airways
Date: July 2012
Level of Frustration: Learning that the work restroom is out of toilet paper a moment too late.

There are a few places that jokes are not welcomed: The Mexican border, Lisa Lampanelli shows, and the airport. A group of Iowa-bound passengers learn this lesson the hard way when an off-the-cuff comment about the flight crew partying too hard results in an hour-plus delay. After a passenger jokingly suggests the crew's late arrival is due to "partying," the pilot and flight attendants are hit with a random drug test on the spot.

Date: December 2012
Airline: JetBlue
Level of Frustration: Dealing with cable company tech support over the phone.

After being told he couldn't sit with his mother during a flight to New Jersey, Robert Ramirez reportedly shatters one of the airplane's windows in anger. Since the FAA has some rule against flying a pressurized aircraft with open cavities, the flight is delayed an hour while workers repair the damage. As a passenger on a commercial flight, you're accosted by crying babies and baggage fees, but none of those things are as insufferable as a full-blown adult going WorldStar on the structural integrity on your plane.

Date: January 2012
Airline: Air Canada
Level of Frustration: A parking ticket, but kind of cute so not as bad.

Ripples, a 10-year-old cat, escapes a carrying case just before his plane departs for Toronto and is nowhere to be found. The search for Ripples begins in the cabin, but he's discovered in the cockpit (burrowed in the plane's avionics, specifically). This cat's inability to chill triggers a four-hour delay as maintenance workers check for damaged wiring. Let this be a lesson to those of you with a pet adorned carry-on bag. Rover's just as anxious about flying as you are, so you might want to share your Xanax and duty free cocktail (just joking).

Airline: Qantas
Date: June 2012
Level of Frustration: Sending your favorite pair of jeans through the wash with a pen in the pocket.

Just before takeoff, a flight crew discovers a legion of stowaway rats in one of the plane's compartments. Besides being diseased little vermin, rats also have a propensity for chewing stuff, which is especially dangerous on a piece of machinery that takes flight. First the subway, now our planes? These rodents are on a Blackbeard-like mission to commandeer our modes of transportation. #STAYWOKE

Airline: American Airlines
Date: September 2012
Level of Frustration: Having your computer crash unexpectedly before saving a soon-to-be-completed term paper.

A plane is forced to return to the gate after two female flight attendants allegedly get into a heated exchange over a cell phone. During the customary departure safety announcement, one flight attendant notices another member of the flight crew using an electronic device. The woman on the PA system includes the smart phone-dependent offender in her speech, triggering a confrontation and, ultimately, a four-hour delay.

Airport: John F. Kennedy International Airport
Date: June 2012
Level of Frustration: Being rear-ended by a student driver at a stoplight.

It doesn't take an engineering degree to know that a metal detector with a 100-percent pass rate is fucked up. But in summer 2012, a security checkpoint at John F. Kennedy International Airport sends hundreds of passengers through before noticing an unplugged metal detector. Oops. The mistake reportedly leads to hours of delays and a pair of planes being called back from the runway.

Airline: Delta
Date: November 2010
Level of Frustration: Accidentally stumbling across a Breaking Bad spoiler alert on Twitter.

A flight is scheduled to leave Los Angeles at 9 a.m., but the pilot and crew are locked out of the cockpit. Apparently, and for good reason, unlocking cockpit doors can be a complicated and arduous process. Unfortunately for passengers, a maintenance crew is called in to bust the door open, which apparently took more than three hours.

Airline: Delta
Date: December 2013
Level of Frustration: Catching an errant chest pass in the ear hole when it's 20-degrees below zero.

Delta's partner Sky Express pilfers another flight's aircraft to take the Florida Gators basketball team to a game they'd later lose. Speaking of losing, the 50 ticket-carrying passengers are left with a plane that's grounded with maintenance issues. While the Gators drop a non-conference game at the buzzer, Delta's comparatively less athletic passengers are stranded in Gainesville.