20 Sports Team Nicknames That are Worse Than the New Orleans Pelicans

Bill Shakespeare once asked, "What's in a name?" Well, Shakespeare had clearly never been to a minor league baseball game. In case you haven't heard by now, because maybe you live under a rock or something, the NBA's New Orleans Hornets are changing their name to...the Pelicans. We bullshit you not. Sure, sports nicknames like, the Warriors, or the Knights, have become played out. You don't just want to be another animal from the jungle, or a random bird that has little or nothing to do with sports.

But, there's a fine line between being creative, and completely jumping off the deep end. A good team name should strike some amount of fear into an opponent, and have something that adequately characterizes the location where a team plays. A team name is an identity, a rallying cry, a unifying mantra for fans and players alike. Before we get all Gene Hackman in Hoosiers on you, let us just say that the nicknames on this list, are severely lacking in this criteria. These names were created with thoughts of, well, we don't know what the hell these teams were thinking. So, from the UC Santa Cruz Banana Slugs, to the Hoopeston Area Cornjerkers, we bring you 20 sports team nicknames that are worse than the New Orleans Pelicans.

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Team: Pekin
League: High School (Changed to Dragons in '80)
Lifespan Of Nickname: 1930s-1980

The town of Pekin, IL got its name because it's believed that it's located on the exact opposite side of the globe from Pekin, China, we'll let that sink in first. So, in light of this discovery they decide to name their athletic teams the Chinks. As sort of a backhanded salute to China, we guess. SMDH. They later wised up and renamed their teams, the Dragons. We have the strange feeling that there isn't a goddamn thing Chinese about this town.

Team: The Portland
League: Minor League Baseball
Lifespan Of Nickname: 2008-Present

Red Sox, White Sox, even Black Sox, but Wet Sox? Leave it to minor league baseball to take a great, historic baseball name, and turn it into a laughing stock. This is right up there with the Reno Aces, and the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs.

Team: Frankfort
League: High School
Lifespan Of Nickname: 1909-Present

The Frankfort Hot Dogs. We'll just let you repeat that over and over to yourselves. Laugh, cry, shake your heads, do whatever feels right. We'll probably do all three at once.

Team: South Dakota School of Mines
League: NCAA
Lifespan Of Nickname: 1895-Present

They're a mining school—we didn't even know that existed—but since it does, we can't think of a better/lamer name than the HardRockers. We heard it just beat out the BlackLungs, oh well.

Team: Columbia College
League: NCAA
Lifespan Of Nickname: 1905-Present

Koalas don't fight, they hang from trees and eat leaves and berries all day. They're also lazy, cute, and cuddly. Why on earth would you name sports teams after this animal?

Team: Mars Area
League: High School
Lifespan Of Nickname: 1967-Present

Another one that's a painful joke at best. Here's a little rule about naming an athletic team, you can't just put the word fighting in front of anything and call it a day. Fighting Wolverines = okay, Fighting Planets = go home and try again. We get the whole Mars Area thing, but please, there has to be a better way.

Team: Cairo (GA)
League: High School
Lifespan Of Nickname: 1922-Present

Purdue has the Boilermakers, Cairo has the Syrupmakers. We'll let you decide which is more intimidating. The story goes that during a rainy football game, syrup factory workers put their jackets on players to keep them warm and dry. The logos "syrupmakers," were on the back of the jackets, and the rest as they say, is history.

Team: Mpumalanga
League: National Soccer League (South Africa)
Lifespan Of Nickname: 1991-1992

Damn. This is just flat out racism. We know apartheid was still existent at the time but it's still disturbing to see racism featured so prominently in the sports world. At least the Darkies only lasted two seasons, and lost 36 out of 42 games before it all came crashing down.

Team: Indianapolis NW
League: High School
Lifespan Of Nickname: 1962-Present

What was this, John Glenn's alma mater or something? Come on son, are they playing sports or are they a subsidiary of NASA? We wager the Space Pioneers, are a bunch of little space cadets.

Team: The University of Hawaii
League: NCAA
Lifespan Of Nickname: 1923-2000 (individual teams allowed to choose)

Isn't this a bit of an oxymoron? It conjures up such conflicting images. The meteorological phenomenon associated with lollipops and pots of gold vs. this classic scene. If nothing else, maybe it'll confuse the hell out of opponents. This is probably why the University decided to allow individual teams to alter their names. No way Timmy Chang was running around as a Rainbow Warrior.

Team: Grays Harbor College
League: NCAA
Lifespan Of Nickname: 1930-Present

No, the Grays Harbor College nickname wasn't based on the performance of LeBron James in the 2011 NBA Finals. Chill, we had to fam. The choker is some term pertaining to the process of cutting wood, or some shit like that, this is the Pacific Northwest after all.

Team: Thailand
League: Thai Soccer Team
Lifespan Of Nickname: 1963-2009

Maybe this is keeping it a little too real. At least make an effort to hide how this team is being funded.

Team: The Long Beach State
League: NCAA
Lifespan Of Nickname: 1989-Present (mostly baseball)

With all the college scandals that have gone down in recent years, is this really the best nickname for a team? We understand it's a baseball reference, and has nothing to do with less than honorable acts that some male athletes engage in, but maybe some more thought could have gone into this one.

Team: Washington
League: NFL
Lifespan Of Nickname: 1932-Present

If teams like the aforementioned "Darkies" don't exist anymore then why is it fine to have the Redskins? Native American activist groups have been campaigning for years for teams to abandon logos and names (i.e. the Indians, Blackhawks, and Redskins) that are insensitive to their culture. Unfortunately this change doesn't seem like it's going to happen anytime soon. Though offensive, those team names have been around for a while and many owners high-ranking league officials seem unwilling to make the progessive change.

Team: MIT
League: NCAA
Lifespan Of Nickname: 1914-Present

Where's the creativity here? Just because the overwhelming majority of MIT undergrads are involved in engineering one way or another, doesn't mean you have to be so boring when naming the athletic teams. We're hoping this post sparks a campus wide referendum for a change in mascot. Matter of fact, they should scrap the entire athletic department.

Team: NYU
League: NCAA
Lifespan Of Nickname: 1983-1984

Fact: A flower is not now, nor ever will be, a good sports team nickname. Even if it is NYU. Call yourselves the Purple People Eaters for all we care, but not a flower. We're sure folks on campus were ecstatic that this one only lasted a year.

Team: UC Santa Cruz
League: NCAA
Lifespan Of Nickname: 1986-Present

Warriors, Eagles, Vikings, we get it, UCSC was looking outside the box when it came to naming their athletic teams. With that said, we find it hard to imagine that calling yourselves the slugs is the best way to instill fear in opponent's hearts. Slow, lethargic, yeah, that's the qualities you want in your starting PG. Kids on campus love it though, they recently celebrated the 25th Anniversary of the Slugs. "Slime 'em!"

Team: Yuma
League: High School
Lifespan Of Nickname: 1917-Present

This nickname was originally an insult hurled at Yuma Union High by Phoenix Union High, after Yuma defeated Phoenix for the state football championship. Yuma liked it though, and adopted it as their official team name in 1917. This is also ironic because Yuma moved to the Yuma Territorial Prison, after a fire damaged the school in 1910. We wonder how many Yuma Union football players kept this nickname after graduation? Oh! We'll be here all night, folks.

Team: Chattanooga Central
League: High School
Lifespan Of Nickname: 1930s-Present

The Purple Pounders, formerly the Purple Warriors, we're renamed because of how they "pounded" their opponents into defeat. Ayo!

Team: Hoopeston Area
League: High School
Lifespan Of Nickname: 1920s-Present

Referring to the motion that was used to harvest corn in Illinois, before the invention of modern machinery, we think this nickname is in serious need of an update. Tradition is important, but nobody's jerking corn anymore, and these kids don't deserve all the jokes that are undoubtedly coming their way.