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Metta World Peace dropped his new single earlier this month, and it's the latest entry to his not all that successful rap career. If he retires from basketball and doesn't really get that much further in the rap game, he does have other career options. One is possibly being a rap critic. The other is possibly as a television writer.
He showed his creative chops for the latter when he told a long, epic story on Twitter that involved heartbreak, shock, tension, and...Nemo?
I was following one person down the street. They got mad. I said "I was going to ask ur twitter so I can follow you"
The girl I was following hit me with her purse. I said" I only want your twitter"
She gave me her vine. I told her" why would I need your vein"
All her stuff fell out of her purse when she hit me. She asked for my help. I said" only if you give me your home address and your twitter"
She had Nemo in her purse. I reported her to the police for stealing fish and not letting the fish live in water. It was n her make up kit.
World Peace clearly works on a completely different wavelength from other people. For one, what guy sees a woman walking down the street and think, "Yes! She's exactly the type I'd follow on Twitter. I'd retweet the crap out of her." That just doesn't happen. And does she angrily give him her Vine as she was hitting him? Something along the lines of "Here's my vine, you creep?" A lot of plotholes here. But anyway, moving on.
Her make up kit had fish food in it
I was like "chic .really ? Fish food? "
Chic had on high heeled Dada's.
That was a real story. Not funny. I was not laughing. I was shocked
So many shocking revelations. All for a Twitter handle.
She was taller than me without the heely Dada's. she took them off when I said "really? High heeled Dada's?
I was laughing so hard until she punched me. Then my secret weapon put her ;; I mean him in his place. She was a he. But anyway.
Yal know what my secret weapon was?
Oh yeah. I forgot to tell yal. Oh yeah. I forgot to tell yal. His make up kit was a taco
It's an understandable punch in the gut when a woman taller than your 6-foot-7 body frame turns out to be a man. Also: "Oh yeah. I forgot to tell yal. His make up kit was a taco." Like, where is he getting this preposterousness from?
And more importantly, what was this secret weapon?
Basically , I thought this person would be interesting to follow on twitter. But at the end , he didnt even have twitterer.. He had MySpace
I should have known it was a guy. She had a six pack on her back. I call it a back pack.
I'm like "really? A back pack? What excercise does that?"
Dude, at least tweet a picture of that "back pack."
Her rimz on her Dada's were 20 inches. I was like" really? 20's? " she was off balance the entire time we were arguing.
She had to lean on me as we were arguing for better balance. I'm like"really? You gonna lean on me while we argue'?"
This story gets weirderer but I have to go now. I'm not tweeting for 2months.
Oh yes. My secret weapon. In my Rick James and Dave Chappelle voice. "It's an elbow b...h"
The reason I can't finish the story is because when I left this dude threw a beer at me. After I helped fix his dada with the spare he had
When he threw the beer I went ron Artest , but verbally with no curses or physical contact. I did it in form of a Kendrick Lamar verse.
This is a real story. Ask jimmy Kimmel. He was there. He filmed the entire thing.
It's cool if he needs two months off Twitter; artists need time to create. Metta World Peace the Movie directed Jimmy Kimmel sounds like it would be amazing if it actually existed. James Harden probably wouldn't be at the premiere though.
Never change, World Peace. Never.
[via Metta World Peace]