Everything You Need to Know From Today's Apple Keynote Event

We are all just moments away from quickly throwing our immediately worthless iPhones into traffic in preparation for that new-new.

Photo Removed
Complex Original

Blank pixel used during image takedowns

Photo Removed

Oh, glorious day. September brings us many joys indeed, but perhaps none as palpably satisfying as another super-hyped Apple event promising a lowkey philosophical keynote address and a slew of new Apple products for your immediate envy. As previously reported, the rumor mill has been pumping out some truly enticing speculation ahead of Wednesday's event.

Of course, the most likely of these rumored additions to the #AppleHive is the iPhone 6s and its distant relative, the iPhone 6s Plus. The Apple TV is also expected to receive some sort of reboot, alongside presumed updates to the Apple Watch and iPad (iPad Pro?).

Stream the event here, and keep it locked here for updates:

Tim Cook, after entering to predictably rousing applause, launched right into an update on the future of the Apple Watch. Cook deemed the device a "life-changing" tool with a "97 percent" customer satisfaction rate, eventually giving the floor to Jeff Williams for a detailed breakdown of the Apple Watch's innovations. Facebook Messenger, an app often favored more than the traditional Facebook app itself, is finally "coming soon" to the Watch. An update (Watch OS 2.0, which will be available on September 16) will also allow the Watch to potentially "revolutionize" the medical industry by allowing doctors to receive patient monitoring info remotely, an undeniable breakthrough for the healthcare field.

The Watch will now be available with new bands and finishes (hello, Hermès!), including gold and rose gold:

The "biggest news in iPad since the iPad?" That would be the iPad Pro:

The iPad Pro will possess a profound improvement in display quality, armed with a more-than-capable 12.9-inch screen. The graphics performance has reportedly "doubled," with desktop-like performance on all applications. As for battery life, the Pro will offer a reported ten hours of energy. The four-speaker audio system, with an automatic balance across each speaker to maintain the audio experience regardless of placement, is also a huge leap from previous versions:

As a nod to all those iPad artists out there, the Pro's arrival also features the debut of the Apple Stylus Pencil:

The Apple team also briefly squashed the presumed Microsoft beef to dive into some Office-aided multitasking, with the Apple Pencil getting a chance to shine right out of the gate.

The iPad Pro will also mark the debut of a new Photoshop app called Fix, an app clearly taking full advantage of the Pro's increased display quality:

Fix also boasts face recognition and some startling frown-busting techniques:

Starting at $799 for the 32GB model, the iPad Pro comes in three finishes: silver, gold, and space gray. The 128GB model will run $949, while the 128GB WiFi/Cellular model will tip your total debt to just $1079. The admittedly beautiful Pencil starts at just $99, with the new Smart Keyboard demanding a reasonable $169.

Agreeing with critics that we are currently in a new "Golden Age" of television, Cook then transitioned the festivities to the Apple TV. "Our vision of TV is simple and perhaps a little provocative," Cook told the audience. "The future of TV is apps." Adding that they've been working "very hard" on delivering the new Apple TV, Cook then unveiled the era-appropriate device:

The new Apple TV's remote will now be equipped with a Siri button, meaning you can simply ask Siri to find the right episode of Mad Men for you to sob along to because you're still in mourning. Can't find a specific episode on Netflix? Siri will simply search Netflix, Hulu, and other streaming sites all at once, ensuring users find exactly what they want. These searches can be conducted by genre, star, writer, director, or similar categorizations.

The new Apple TV will also allow users to rewind 15 seconds during a streaming program by simply asking Siri "What did they say?" or some variation of that inquiry. The new TV will also mark the debut of the new operating system tvOS, a landmark move ahead of an app-driven future for the medium. As part of that inevitable future, multiplayer games will be available on tvOS including Guitar Hero, Disney Infinity, and more.

Beat Sports, a new game juxtaposing sports and music that was designed exclusively for the Apple TV, was also unveiled with a quick demo:

Gilt will now join you in your living room thanks to an Apple TV cosign, a nicely streamlined shopping experience aided by the new Apple TV remote. Described as the next leap in "fashion from home" shopping, the Gilt app was also given a quick demo:

tvOS, which is available for developers starting on Wednesday, will also feature a fair amount of live sports options (with a new MLB app flexing during a demo), allowing users to enjoy the tension and suspense of multiple games all at once. The new Apple TV starts at $149 for the 32GB option, with the 64GB slightly injuring your bank account to the familiar tune of $199.

As for the rumored iPhone 6s and iPhone 6s Plus, they are both very real indeed. Cook describes them as "the most advanced smartphones ever," with the notable addition of a brand new custom aluminum alloy and the rose gold color option:

This new iPhone incarnation will feature 3D Touch, a far more touch-sensitive approach that will allow users to move through their various smartphone applications with a personalized ease. 3D Touch will allow users to easily access various apps from home or while using other applications, an obvious game-changer for those unfortunate enough to lead a 18-tabs-open-at-once life.

The new A9 chip is able to drive faster performance while also being energy efficient, adding "a lot more fun" to the groundwork established by the previous A8 chip in earlier phones. The all new 12-megapixel iSight camera will provide a dramatic increase in photo quality, with a faster and more accurate AutoFocus. Apple sent noted photographers and visual artists across the globe advanced copies of the iPhone 6s and the iPhone 6s Plus, asking them to display the revamped camera's endless possibilities:

The triumphant ability to capture 4K video will makes its iPhone debut with the 6s and 6s plus, only strengthening the versatility of the device for mobile visual artists and average consumers alike. With editing capabilities already available through the iMovie app, the addition of 4K only adds to the ease of  creating compelling visual work from the comfort of an iPhone.

The new camera will also be joined by the debut of "Live Photos," which are essentially just GIFs. Since iPhone treats Live Photos as traditional photos, users can now set a Live Photo (i.e. GIF) as their Watch face or lock screen. Live Photos will also be compatible with all Facebook apps as soon as this year.

The iPhone 6s starts at $199 with the 6s Plus marked at $299, the exact same price points as the iPhone 6 and 6 plus. Preorders begin on September 12, with the full rollout crashing into your bank account on September 25. The iOS 9 update is expected shortly after on September 16, meaning you should start adjusting your storage accordingly.

Also, Kanye did not drop SWISH.

Latest in Pop Culture