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A RoboCop remake has been in the works since 2005, when Screen Gems announced a proejct with David Aronofosky and David Self on board to direct and write, respectively. However, a bunch of shit went down, and MGM decided to pick up the tab instead, with relative unknown Jose Padihla at the helm and four writers credited with the screenplay (Nick Schenk, David Self, James Vanderbilt, and Joshua Zetumer), making the reboot of the 1987 film seem even less promising.
And now those suspicions have been all but set in stone. The recently released trailer for the film, which features newcomer Joel Kinnaman (of AMC's The Killing) in the suit and features a supporting cast that includes Abbie Cornish, Gary Oldman, and Samuel L. Jackson, makes the flick look like it took cues from The Dummies Guide to Making a Sci-Fi Action Movie. At this point, the movie seems to be on its way to a collosal flop—considering all these things from the RoboCop trailer we've seen before.
Written by Ross Scarano (@RossScarano)
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"Give your mom a kiss...too slow, boy!"
If you're going to make us "like" Joel Kinnaman's hero cop Alex Murphy, you've got to make us believe he loves his lily-white family. As savvy viewers living in harsh times, we're not going to "like" just anyone or anything. Oh, wait—there's a scene in the trailer where he makes it seem like he's going to carry his adorable child into the arms of his perfect wife BUT THEN HE KISSES HER INSTEAD?
I can't tell if I'm wet from the tears or because I just peed my pants at the realization that I'll never have a home life so sweet and supportive. I support you, RoboCop. I stand with you.
"Officer down!"
The best part about the original RoboCop (and all of director Paul Verhoeven's movies, Showgirls and Starship Troopers especially) is the excess. And nothing is more excessive than the shooting that lands regular cop Alex Murphy in the robot suit. He is blown to pieces. Pieces.
But here he eats a car bomb. When did RoboCop become Casino? If they take away the toxic mutant monster from the original, there will be riots.
(Or, you know, we'll all just go home quietly and watch the original.)
"Let's go with black."
Hey, remember the scene in Batman Begins where you know you're watching a cool movie because Bruce Wayne asks an older but definitely smooth gentleman played by Morgan Freeman if a sweet ride comes in black? RoboCop is cool too, because it has a derivative version of that encounter! Does the RoboCop suit come in black? Um, do human emotions ultimately interfere with technology? You betcha!
"It's the illusion of free will."
Heady sci-fi theme alert! This movie is going straight to hard-hitting Philip K. Dick land. Like, you might gotta talk to your Intro to Philosophy prof about this one, kid—it's gonna be deep. Or maybe it won't be, since the trailer is literally spelling everything out for you.
"It's the illusion of free will," Gary Oldman's science creep says while explaining how RoboCop thinks he's in control of his actions but is really just obeying the microchips. What could go wrong with this?
"He's overriding the system's priorities!"
Oh, snap—did someone let Mitch Albom tamper with these gadgets? Because this guy's got heart and soul, and it's a problem. Because the RoboCop remake is a movie for somone who failed out of elementary school/has never seen a sci-fi movie that plays with this dull cliche, a character explains that, "THE HUMAN ELEMENT WILL ALWAYS BE PRESENT!" This is actual dialogue explaining the underpinnings of this rote story to you because you're probably dumb (thinks Hollywood). Nice to know that the studios are forcing the real Idiocracy on us (even though they didn't give the movie Idiocracy the marketing support it needed).
