Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's Divorce: The Signs Were There
Were we all just in deep denial of the doomed Brangelina relationship?
Image via Complex Original
There has possibly never been a greater use for this phrase, but goddamn, Brangelina, WE WERE ROOTING FOR YOU. This morning, the world was shook—yeah, that's right, shook—when TMZ tweeted, sans trigger warning, "#BREAKING Angelina Jolie -- Files for Divorce from Brad Pitt." The gossip site reported that Jolie filed divorce papers citing "irreconcilable differences," adding that Jolie was unhappy about Pitt's parenting methods, and that she was "fed up" with his "consumption of weed and possibly alcohol." But... but... but... can't you guys work it out?
Over a decade ago, Pitt left his then-wife Jennifer Aniston for Jolie after filming Mr. and Mrs. Smith, leaving the rest of us torn to choose between Team Aniston and Team Jolie. But over the years, as Pitt and Jolie took their "mere fling" to a full-on, long-term, parenting-six-children-together partnership, even the Team Anistons (myself included) switched sides. Maybe Jolie and Pitt were meant to be together all along, we started to reconsider. It helped when Aniston found happiness with her new boo Justin Theroux; we felt okay rooting for Brangelina Forever. But now this. Fuck our lives for thinking love was real and alive, because it's not. It's dead and buried in divorce papers. They say love makes you blind, and now I'm thinking that might actually be true. Perhaps we were blind to all the signs of Brad and Angelina's eventual demise. With 20/20 hindsight, let's now look back at all the possible warning signs.
All Those Tabloid Rumors
Don't trust that gossip trash, I know, true, but there has been an overwhelming amount of "Brad and Angelina are divorcing" tabloid stories, and they increased in volume as the end became nigh. (Side note: I don't think I've ever picked up a tabloid in the last few years that didn't have some version of "Is Brad talking to Jen again? Are Brangelina doomed?" on the cover.) Maybe there was an ounce of truth to the usual bullshit, or maybe it was some sort of self-fulfilled prophecy. Just four days ago, Brad and Angelina were on the cover of InTouch with the splashy headline, "$400M DIVORCE." A similar headline appeared on Star back in June. Now it's a reality.
Brad Pitt Made a Spy Movie With Marion Cotillard and Lizzy Caplan
We all know our guy's Achilles' heel is a spy movie—that's how he met Angelina, remember? Brad Pitt left his wife because of a spy movie, so who's to say history couldn't repeat itself? Because guess what Brad Pitt's latest project is? That's right, it is a GODDAMN SPY MOVIE!!! My man, cut the temptation out of your life.
Pitt stars as a WWII intelligence office in Robert Zemeckis' new film Allied opposite Marion Cotillard and Lizzy Caplan and guess fucking what, both women are rumored to have been ~romantically entwined~ with Mr. Pitt. Though Caplan kissing Pitt on-set was probably just professional, it sparked those age-old divorce rumors again. Even more likely a suspect is Marion Cotillard. Page Six reports that a private eye got receipts on Brad having an affair with Marion, which prompted Angie to file for divorce. They also say that Pitt hired Russian hookers. I need more details on that last part, thanks.
Or Was It Gwyneth Paltrow All Along?
Tbh I kind of miss Brad and Gwyneth. The two dated in the '90s, had matching haircuts, and even coordinated '90s outfits together. But why is Paltrow's name getting dragged into the Brangelina breakup 20 years later? Because some sus source said that Brad Pitt muttered Gwyneth's name in his sleep lmao. I can only hope this is true, even if it seems like a weak-ass reason to actually divorce someone.
Brad Was Maybe a Bad Parent?
So, Jolie is reportedly asking for sole physical custody of their six children, and if the judge grants that, it means that Brad Pitt only gets visitations rights. That's a pretty serious move to make by Jolie—not something she would do if she didn't have a reason. Now, if you're looking for signs that Brad was poorly "parenting the children," there isn't much, but allow me to point you to this interview, in which Brad Pitt calls his big family "total chaos." HMMMM.
They Were Seen Together Less and Less
So much so that when they ran a totally mundane 4th of July errand together, it was "news." Sounds troubling, if you ask me. And apparently when they were seen together this summer, there was mad tension... read this report on them at their estate in the South of France.
Okay, But Have You Seen By the Sea Though?
I don't know if you know this, but last fall, Brangelina starred in a marriage-on-the-rocks movie called By the Sea written and directed by Angelina herself and SHOT ON THEIR HONEYMOON. Talk about an ominous start to a marriage! The movie was low-key trash (beautiful, beautiful garbage) but it did make us wonder, did this fuck up both their heads while filming? Now this film about an relationship feels eerily autobiographical. Or maybe it's all of our faults for panning the movie that could and should have been a fire follow-up to Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Just watch Angie on Today wearily saying, "This is what 10 years of marriage will do to you." Haunting, tbh.