Intro
Loading screens: the bane of every gamer's existence. Oh, the rage that bubbles up inside when “NOW LOADING” or some variant bursts onto the scene. It’s a necessary evil. Until we’ve advanced beyond the dreaded Mass Effect elevators, we’re stuck with these stagnant staples of video game design.
Fortunately, some offer a little diversion – sort of like line entertainment at E3, only without the body odor. With Namco handling the patent for these interactive loading screens, it's not certain we’ll see many more in the future. With that in mind, here are ten of the best examples to date.
No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle (Wii)
No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle (Wii)
Suda51’s quirky series was a trip in itself, so it’s no surprise its loading screens should offer a hidden surprise. Tapping B repeatedly causes the star by Travis Touchdown’s head to spin rapidly. It’s a small easter egg, granted, but at least it’s something to do while waiting other than twiddling your thumbs.
Rayman Origins (Xbox 360/PS3)
Rayman Origins (Xbox 360/PS3)
This bubbly cartoony return to Rayman’s roots has thrilled and delighted platformer fans as one of the best the genre has to offer to date. While hanging out between levels after the game’s classic hub world, a peaceful, light blue environment complete with Rayman’s limbless silhouette appears, allowing you to run, jump, and perform Rayman’s signature moves in the looping space. Fluid animation and catchy music make this loading process a cute diversion that’s almost as charming as the rest of the game. Almost, but not quite.
DiRT 2 (Xbox 360, PlayStation 3)
DiRT 2 (Xbox 360, PlayStation 3)
Codemasters had a good thing going with DiRT 2’s fully-3D loading screens, which did much more than waste your time with images of your vehicles or other silliness. It provided you with your current stats: achievement progress, average race finish position, miles driven, etc. All of this presented in an attractive wrap-up screen that you could navigate with your controller. You could also zoom in for a better view.
While this innovative addition to the franchise was conspicuously absent from DiRT 3, the sequel’s outstanding contribution to the list lives on forever as one of the most useful and engaging loading screens out there.
Devil May Cry 3 (PlayStation 2)
Devil May Cry 3 (PlayStation 2)
Bayonetta obviously took more than a page from the Devil May Cry series, including its loading interludes. Devil May Cry 3 allowed players to shoot, slash, and otherwise abuse the “loading” text, and with longer load times the word could even be made to explode.
Of course, the actual amount of time spent doing this could end up making your load times longer, but it was so fun to mess around with you’d barely even notice. It’s no Galaga, but at least they thought of us. Right?
Assassin’s Creed (Xbox 360, PlayStation 3)
Assassin’s Creed (Xbox 360, PlayStation 3)
Assassin’s Creed was downright brutal at some points. When you weren’t running for your life from rabid guards after a particularly heinous kill, you were trying to keep yourself in the shadows…again, for your life.
So between assassinations to mask longer loading times, you could control Altair and creep along in the harsh, infinite space of the Animus. It wasn’t as functional as Bayonetta’s sprawling darkness, but you could walk around like the bad mother-shut-yo’-mouth you were, uninterrupted, while waiting to explore the next area.
Okami (PlayStation 2)
Okami (PlayStation 2)
Okami was absolutely beautiful, but sometimes it could be downright wicked. That’s why you needed all the power-ups you could possibly get. Demon Fangs were instrumental in this process. These items could be gathered and traded in for more powerful artifacts that granted Amaterasu special abilities.
While there were other, more reliable ways to collect them, Okami’s loading screens were one of the best (and quickest) ways to beat boredom and earn items in the process. Two variations were included in the game: a blank loading screen where the object was to press “X” at least fifty times to make colorful pawprints appear onscreen. If you could do that quickly enough, a Demon Fang would appear.
This generally worked better with longer wait times, so it wasn’t as reliable as the other screen, where you simply needed to press X when paw prints appeared onscreen to earn items. This gave you a little something to do while waiting for Okami’s gorgeous environments to render, and you got some loot for your trouble. Not bad. Unfortunately, this little stroke of genius was not included in the Wii port. You’re missing out, guys.
Dragon Ball: Ultimate Tenkaichi (Xbox 360, PlayStation 3)
Dragon Ball: Ultimate Tenkaichi (Xbox 360, PlayStation 3)
Namco holds the patent on loading screens, so it’s only natural they should exercise their right to implement them. And they have, in virtually every installment to the Dragon Ball Z video game library.
The latest entry, Dragon Ball: Ultimate Tenkaichi, takes very frequent breaks to its loading screen, which is essentially a shooting gallery of dual-colored Capsule Corp. capsules that you can shoot at with your on-screen reticule. It’s a cute, quick way to pass the time while waiting for your next battle. At least they cared enough to include something. You know how often that game needs to load? More often than Goku needs to train for the next menace hurtling toward earth. That’s a lot.
OneChanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad (Xbox 360)
OneChanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad (Xbox 360)
Cheesy J-horror hack-and-slasher OneChanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad felt it didn’t offer enough mindless, shambling zombies for your killing pleasure, so between areas it served up a rudimentary cowboy hat and boa-clad Aya and crudely drawn zombies to stave off before the next section loaded.
In stark contrast with the game’s over-the-top violence and frequent sprays of blood, these zombies were all identical and super kawaii. A running counter kept track of how many undead were slain in the quick section. Despite its simplicity, the cute little mini-game made sitting and waiting a whole lot more tolerable...even if the game itself wasn’t.
Invade-A-Load (Commodore 64)
Invade-A-Load (Commodore 64)
This loader routine for the Commodore 64 allowed players to engage in a rousing game of a Space Invaders clone while waiting for an actual game to load.
Though you were usually destined to be waiting for a solid chunk of time, Invade-A-Load alleviated a little of the pain by loading the cheeky shooter in under a minute, providing a legitimate distraction. You know, so you weren’t focusing on just how long your game was actually taking to load. Developer Richard Aplin was certainly thinking forward.
Bayonetta (PlayStation 3/Xbox 360)
Bayonetta (PlayStation 3/Xbox 360)
Considering Bayonetta’s impressive arsenal of convoluted combos, it’s only natural that players needed a space in which to practice every new attack purchased between missions. Plus, out in the field you rarely get the opportunity to see one of her slinky finishers due to camera constraints – and you know you try to catch an eyeful each and every time.
Bayonetta’s loading screens offered an endless expanse of nothingness where you could fully control the gorgeous witch, ensuring when combat resumed you were pumped and primed for angel annihilation. It’s not the most original concept, but certainly a useful one, and much better than staring at a stationary screen for 30 to 45 seconds.