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Whether they're ego-trippin' or just absent minded, Silicon Valley's major players have spewed some of the most bizarre quotables even put on public record. The tech industry’s flooded with an assortment of animated characters, but it’s the CEOs who snag all the headlines by sharing comments that should have been cleared by a PR team. Many, like Microsoft’s Steve Ballmer, have been labeled wild childs of the game for going off their rocker during interviews, while few get tagged as a badass for never sugarcoating the obvious, such as the late, great Apple co-founder Steve Jobs. Needless to say, the tech industry has never been short on controversial and comical remarks. From ludicrous tech predictions to psychotic rants, take a look at the 25 Most Craziest Things Ever Said by Tech CEOs
25. Larry Ellison Defends Mark Hurd
Quote: "Worst personnel decision since the idiots on the Apple board fired Steve Jobs many years ago."
Date: 8/10/2010
There's half truth to this statement. Yes, Oracle CEO Larry Ellison was right to brand Apple "idiots" for giving Jobs the boot in the mid 80s. But to call the firing of a CEO who falsified company expense reports to pay for sex with a former contracted employee unjustified? C'mon, son. Ellison went on to hire his tennis partner as the president of Oracle. Now the two can share each others jump-offs.
24. Google's Eric Schmidt Responds to Street View Complaints
Quote: "Street View the cars we drive only once, you can just move, right?"
Date: 10/10/2010
Google pissed of millions across the globe with its panoramic roving camera technology. During an interview with CNN, Schmidt responded to questions about the search engine illegally collecting personal data through its camera-wielding vehicles, stating people "can just move" if they refuse to be captured by the mobile shutterbug. The CEO made it unclear whether the comment was a joke and admitted he "clearly misspoke," stating he never meant people should move if they didn't want their house to appear on Street View. That was one shot Schmidt didn't see coming.
23. Yahoo's Carol Bartz Curses Out Reporter
Quote: "It probably takes you a long time just to convince yourself what to do. So fuck off!"
Date: 5/24/2010
The Queen of the F-Bomb showed her vulnerability to public criticism when she sent shots at TechCrunch founder Michael Arrington when he questioned her accomplishments in comparison to Steve Jobs' at Apple. TechCrunch writer MG Siegler wrote in his live notes, "It took about 15 minutes, but Mike got her to tell him to 'fuck off'." Bartz defended herself by indicating she had only been with Yahoo for 16 months and feigned the idea of having to create "an iPod, an iPad, and iBlah" during that time period. True, but she could have said it a bit nicer. Hence her firing one year later.
22. BlackBerry 6 OS To Defy All Other Mobile Platforms
Quote: I'll think you'll just be amazed at how it's a quantum leap over anything that's out there."
Date: 6/25/2010
We never took RIM co-CEO Jim Balsillie for a comedian. After reporting loses in subscriber growth and smartphones sales, Balsillie went on to overhype the company's then-upcoming BlackBerry 6 OS, practically marketing it as the groundbreaking mobile software that would revolutionize the industry. In short, all the operating system offered was a cleaner UI, new web browser, and practically everything else you could find on an iOS and Android phone. Forever fashionably late to the mobile party.
21. Bill Gates says Apple CEO Position a No-Win
Quote: "What I can't figure out is why he (Steve Jobs) is even trying (to be the CEO of Apple)? He knows he can't win."
Date: June 1998
When Steve Jobs returned to Apple in mid-90s, the tech industry shitted on his attempts to bring the Cupertino, Calif.-based company back from the dead-even his frenemy Bill Gates. And with good reason. At the time, Microsoft's stock was valued at $29 with "a market capitalization of $250 billion," while Apple's barely peaked at $7.25. Gates obviously ignored one of the 10 tech commandments: Thou shalt never underestimate Steve Jobs. Nearly 14 years later, Apple's become the most profitable company in the world with a market cap of $461 billiion.
20. Acer CEO Makes Ass Of Himself Over Apple Remarks
Quote: "Apple is like a mutant virus, escaping from the traditional structure of the PC industry, but the industry will still eventually build up immunity, thus further blocking this trend, and we believe the size of the non-Apple camp will exceed Apple's, because this is how the industry normally evolves."
Date: 9/9/2010
Stan Shih tried swinging an uppercut to Apple's chin, but ended up giving the tech giant one of its biggest compliments ever. The Acer founder went on to call the company's most successful products "mutant viruses" that are difficult to "cure," but noted PC makers would find a way to become immune and isolate its biggest competitor. We're talking about the same dude who claimed all American PC brands would be dead within 20 years. We're betting the latter occurs first.
19. Ballmer Bans Kids from Using iPods & Google
Quote: "My children-in many dimensions they're as poorly behaved as many other children, but at least on this dimension I've got my kids brainwashed: You don't use Google, and you don't use an iPod."
Date: 3/28/2006
Some call it brand loyalty. Others deem it sheer lunacy. However you equate it, you conclude that Steve Ballmer is an absolute nutjob. In an interview with Fortune, the Microsoft CEO told the magazine he forbids his children from owning the greatest music player of all time, as well as utilizing the most powerful search engine in the world. Those poor kids must have been tormented in middle school for carrying around Zune players. That's father of the year material right there.
18. Zuckerberg's Allegory Gone Wrong
Quote: "A squirrel dying in front of your house may be more relevant to your interests right now than people dying in Africa."
Date: 6/15/2010
Writer David Kirkpatrick quoted Mark Zuckerberg in his book, The Facebook Effect, as the social media king discussed the rationale of creating the social site's News Feed feature. Zuck helped us comprehend the human motives and instincts of today's society. However, he could have used a less-sensitive parable to better express the concept-one that didn't highlight a continent with a high mortality rate. Some took offense to the remark as Africa started suffering from its worst drought in nearly 60 years.
17. Schmidt Creeps Out Googlers
Quote: We know where you are. We know where you've been. We can more or less know what you're thinking about."
Date: 10/4/2010
Web surfers were already leery of their Internet independence and having personal data exposed on the global search engine. Google's CEO failed to provide that crowd any relief after making some rather daunting statements at the Washington Ideas Forum, stating the company knows every single detail about its users. You can only imagine the field day online security conservatives had with Google's PR team. According to Schmidt, the company's policy "is to get right up to the creepy line and not cross it." Too late.
16. Michael Dell Thinks Differently About Apple
Quote: "What would I do? I'd shut it down and give the money back to the shareholders."
Date: October 1997
Back in the late 90s, Dell's CEO was asked what would he do if in charge of Apple Inc. Even with Steve Jobs back at the helm, he still insisted on giving shareholders their money back and closing shop. Apple's investors are on their knees till this day thankful that the board never took heed to Dell's words. Just goes to show what he would do if his company were in the same position, doesn't it? Dude, you're shutting down.
15. Sony Wants Gamers To Slave For Overpriced Console
Quote: "We want consumers to think to themselves 'I will work more hours to buy one'."
Date: 7/8/2005
Former Sony Computer Entertainment CEO, Ken Kutaragi, had a reputation for making strange and absurd comments. Nothing compares to what he shared with Japanese economic web site Toyo Keizai about the company's goals of convincing gamers to spend $1,000 on the PlayStation 3 by brainwashing them into doing overtime at their nine-to-fives. Even at a launch price of $600, consumers weren't that desperate to play Resistance: Fall of Man.
14. Bill Gates Small Memory Gaffe
Quote: No one will need more than 637 kb of memory for a personal computer. 640K ought to be enough for anybody."
Date: 1981
Bill Gates has faithfully denied he never said this, but the quote has taken on a life of its own and become synonymous with the Microsoft founder. Supposedly, he was quoted at a computer trade show in support of the IBM PC's 640KB RAM limit, which he'd been heavily promoting that year. Chances are he might have been misquoted, having originally said, "640K ought to be enough for anybody" at the time. A feature on the Huntsville Times website notes Gates response to the remark: "I've said some stupid things and some wrong things, but not that. No one involved in computers would ever say that a certain amount of memory is enough for all time." The majority agress he said something along the lines of 640KB of RAM sufficing for PC users. Take the L and move forward.
13. Atari Chief Tells Apple Founders They Smell & Product Sucks
Quote: "Get your feet off my desk, get out of here, you stink, and we're not going to buy your product."
Date: 1976
The story goes that Apple virtuosos Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak waltzed into Atari President Joe Keenan's office offering to sell him their latest personal computer. Jobs had been listed as a technician of the gaming company (employee #40) in the past, and even admitted to meeting with Atari at one point offering his device in exchange for funding or a salary for the duo to come work for them. Keenan went on to kick them out of his office and belittle their product. Guess who had the last laugh?
12. RIM Makes Insane Claims About PlayBook Tablet
Quote: "I think the PlayBook redefines what a tablet should do... So, I think the PlayBook clearly sets the bar WAY higher on performance, and you're going to see more."
Date: 12/16/2010
Never one to shy away from blasting Apple, co-CEO Jim Balsillie fired away on the iPad, while promoting the BlackBerry PlayBook as a device that "redefines what a tablet should do." Yes, the PlayBook. RIM's tablet would indeed set the "bar higher," for what not to do with a new tech product. A terrible launch, horrendous battery life, and the need for a secondary BlackBerry device to access email and calendar were just a few of the many flaws that plagued the PlayBook. As of Q1 2012, only 500,000 tablets have been shipped, where as Apple sold 15.43 million iPads during the first quarter of the year.
11. Google Assumes We Want it to Direct Our Lives
Quote: "I actually think most people don't want Google to answer their questions, they want Google to tell them what they should be doing next."
Date: 8/14/2010
During a sitdown with the Wall Street Journal, Google's then-capo touched on several subjects from the company's net neutrality stance to the Android platform. In typical Schmidt fashion, things turned weird after sharing his vision of Google's future and how users would rely on the search engine to tell them "what they should be doing next." Umm, yeah, the idea of humans acting as virtual labradors and taking commands from Google isn't something we would deem exciting. Let's us hope this isn't part of the company's master plan.
10. Steve Jobs Believed Reading Was Dead
Quote: "It doesn't matter how good or bad the product is, the fact is that people don't read anymore...The whole conception is flawed at the top because people don't read anymore."
Date: 1/15/2008
Steve Jobs once said the Amazon Kindle would fail because Americans don't read. An intriguing, yet dishonest statement made by the tech visionary, espcially as Apple prepped to launch the first-gen iPad-a tablet featuring access to over thousands of ebooks, web articles, and now, iBooks textbooks. Find that ironic? Four years later, Walter Isaacson's authorized "Steve Jobs" biography would land on Amazon's bestseller list for 2011, selling an est. 383,000 physical copies in its first week. We guess people do read.
9. Ballmer's iPhone Market Share Claim
Quote: "There's no chance that the iPhone is going to get any significant market share. No chance."
Date: 6/29/2007
Microsoft's leader was extremely adamant about Apple's smartphone failing to establish a major market share in his interview with USA Today. To date, the iPhone owns close to 24 percent of the mobile market, second best to Google's Android platform. Joey Crack put it best: "It's simple mathematics."
8. Netgear CEO References Jobs Health During Apple/iPhone Bashing
Quote: "And I think as long as Steve Jobs lives, there's no way they're going to open it up. Once Steve Jobs goes away, which is probably not far away, then Apple will have to make a strategic decision on whether to open up the platform."
Date: 1/11/2011
We all witnessed Steve Jobs deteriorate in front of our very eyes as the years progressed, having suffered from several cancer-related problems. Netgear CEO Patrick Lo showed little remorse when he singled out the Apple founder's poor condition, stating the company would suffer from keeping the iPhone a "closed system" once Jobs died, which he stressed was "not far away." Many interpreted Lo's comments as a sign of Jobs kicking the bucket soon, but he apologized for making any indication of his health: "I sincerely apologize that what I said was interpreted this way, and I wish Steve only the very best."
7. Zuckerberg Mocks Facebook Faithful
Quote: "People just submitted it. I don't know why. They "trust me". Dumb fucks."
Date: 5/13/2010
At age 19, Mark Zuckerberg had just launched Facebook in his Hardvard dorm room. A series of IM exchanges between him and a college friend during that time frame surfaced years later online (courtesy of Silicon Alley Insider), exposing the CEO poking fun of users gulibility and privacy concerns. Zuckerberg admitted to mocking subscribers and told the New Yorker's Jose Antonio Vargas "I think I've grown and learned a lot" from the incident. From there, he'd go on to be Time Person of the Year 2010. How's that for damage control.
6. Ethernet Inventor Predicts Internet Collapse
Quote: "Almost all of the many predictions now being made about 1996 hinge on the Internet's continuing exponential growth. But I predict the Internet will soon go spectacularly supernova and in 1996 catastrophically collapse."
Date: 1995
Founder of 3Com and inventor of Ethernet, Robert Metcalfe, made one of the most insane predictions ever when he said the Internet would crumble in one year. He even guaranteed to literally eat his own words if the bold prophecy failed to come to fruition. Living up to his promise, Metcalfe took his keynote speech during the International World Wide Web Conference in 1999, put a printed copy of his declaration into a blender, combined it with liquid, and drank it in front of the entire crowd. He could have just said he made a bad call.
5. Jobs Shoots Down EPSN Samsung Phone
Quote: Your phone is the dumbest fucking idea I have ever heard."
Date: 2006
Steve Jobs was never one to hold his tongue. So when ESPN president George Bodenheimer spotted the Apple CEO in a hallway during a Disney board meeting in Orlando, Florida, he introduced himself and received an unfriendly welcome. Word is Jobs looked at Bodenheimer, told him what he really thought about the sport network's Samsung flip-phone, and walked away. Gangster.
4. Scott McNealy Tells It Like It Is
Quote: You have zero privacy anyway. Get over it."
Date: 1/26/1999
Sun Microsystems co-founder Scott McNealy is as ballsy as they come. He had no shame in telling reporters and analysts the truth on Internet security when asked about privacy concerns of his company's recently launched Jini technology platform. His response speaks for itself.
3. Ballmer Goes Crazy On Google After Microsoft Employee Quits
Quote: "Fucking Eric Schmidt is a fucking pussy. I'm going to fucking bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to fucking kill Google."
Date: 9/2/2005
Former Microsoft engineer Mark Lucovsky was on the receiving end of a verbal tirade and witnessed boss Steve Ballmer fling a chair across the room after informing him of his depature to Google. Ballmer first asked Lucovsky, "Just tell me it's not Google," then blew a gasket in his office, threatening to destroy CEO Eric Schmidt and the search engine. It was also said that Bill Gates chewed out Lucovsky for leaving the company. Microsoft issued a statement saying the story was a "gross exaggeration." Lucovsky told Wired.com seven years after the Ballmer incident: "Why does that surprise anyone?"
2. The Spam Crisis Solved?
Quote: "Two years from now, spam will be solved."
Date: 1/24/2004
Though few journalists gave him the benefit of the doubt for his so-called "640KB RAM" excerpt, Bill Gates couldn't escape the foolish spam-free proclamation he spoke of with a select group of participants at the World Economic Forum. Gates mentioned Microsoft had been working on concept to rid users inboxes of junk email, with the company focusing on "three approaches." Nine years later, we're still patiently waiting.
1. Ken Olson's Most Famous Quote
Quote: "There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home."
Date: 1977
There has been much argument over whether or not DEC founder Ken Olsen made the alleged statement. Time magazine did however quote the tech legend in 1977, and Olsen admitted to making the remark, even though he says his words were taken out of context and was referring to computers set up to control houses, not PCs. Until the transcript of the original interview is unveiled, all we know is that Olsen said what he said, without making any clarification at the time. Laughs are on you, my friend.