It’s time to admit that there is nothing more important right now than Pokémon Go, the mobile app offering up a chance to be an actual trainer while basking in some much-needed fresh air. Sure, there have been a few missteps—like people playing the game in some pretty inappropriate places or the guy who got stabbed and skipped a hospital visit to continue on—but the results have been overall positive.
So it’s easy to see why some people would get attached and one guy’s drunken rant proves our love for the game runs deeper than the Westboro Baptist Church becoming a designated gym run by a Clefairy named “Loveislove.”
In a video uploaded by the Lad Bible, social media star Victor Pope Jr. Snapchatted his failed attempt to catch ‘em all and many feelings were had. To be fair, he was reportedly "67% drunk" at the time.
"I wanna go Pokémon hunting tonight. But do Pokémon be out this late or do they got like a curfew? Do they be sleepy and shit? I don’t know," Pope said, seemingly optimistic. But honestly, do Pokémon even go to sleep?
His investigative journalism continued: "I tried to go Pokemon hunting tonight and the Pokémon was sleep. I threw a Poké ball at him and he was like, 'N****, I got a job interview in the morning.' The Poké Ball looked at me, he said, 'Why you tryna catch Pokémon? It’s so late.' And I said, 'Cause it’s Pokémon Go! And he said, 'N****, Pokémon Go to sleep, too!'"
It’s at this point where he starts to unravel, an existential crisis on the horizon. "I’m not okay," Pope added. "I'm not. I wanna catch 'em all! Not some of them! I wanted them all! The song, the song is 'Gotta catch ‘em all!' You know, the song ain’t, 'Gotta catch some of' 'em.' That sh*t don’t even sound right!" Okay, but where is the lie?
Check out the rant in all of its beautiful, emotional glory below.