Super Mario Kart is a liar.

Nintendo want's you to think it's a fun racing game for kids with turtles and gorillas in bow-ties.

Fuck that. Super Mario Kart is the Greek army after the fall of Troy. Salting the earth and putting relationships to the sword, Mario Kart is evil and here's the proof.

Chances are you've already seen Shea Serrano's work.

Serrano is most famous for his collaboration with Bun B on their project, Bun B's Rapper Coloring and Activity Book. His comic for Complex's Four Pins about J. Coles's eyebrows attempting to convince Cole to respond to Kendrick's "Control" verse is as amazing as it sounds. It has increased the demand for facial hair based comic art throughout the known internet.

Serrano also has two kids that are vicious at Super Mario Kart. Over the course of the Thanskgiving break, Serrano was deafeated once and what follows is his live-tweet leading up to the second rematch with his kids for the Mario Kart championship. It's amazing.

 

thanksgiving is ruined

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 29, 2013

boys are outside. i'm hiding inside listening to doggystyle and practicing mario kart. i can't let what happened last night happen again.

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 29, 2013

i'm so fucking lethal at mario kart right now. these boys don't have a chance. i'm gonna be like reggie miller to spike lee on these bitches

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 29, 2013

"knock knock" who's there, daddy? "a red turtle, hoe. right up your donkey kong's bitch ass. // --me, to the boys from 7:30PM to 8 tonight

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 29, 2013

in this room just pacing back and forth and staring out the window at these two hoes outside playing. they have no idea what's coming.

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 29, 2013

i gotta go. i'ma do some pushups & smoke a cigarette & then put the cigarette out in my hand to get ready for mario kart. pray for your boy.

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 29, 2013

daddy vs. the boys -- mario kart -- the rematch -- this time it's for keeps

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 29, 2013

me, right now for mario kart http://t.co/eCt9him96n

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 29, 2013

oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck here they come i have to go i'll let you know your prayers are appreciated together we can do defeat this dark evil

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 29, 2013

tonight i will fight for all parents

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 29, 2013

for america

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 29, 2013

for mexico

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 29, 2013

TONIGHT I RECLAIM WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY MINE: THE CROWN

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 29, 2013

MURDERING MOTHERFUCKING 6-YEAR-OLDS AT MARIO KART LIKE IT WAS ALL I WAS PUT ON THIS EARTH TO DO

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 29, 2013

--- let us pray ---

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 29, 2013

doing pushups using just my thumbs to get ready for this mario kart ultra-war

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

after i win the mario kart championship against the boys i'm gonna smash the controller on the floor and be like "IT'S LEVELS TO THIS SHIT!"

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

and here we go. jesus take the wheel.

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

it's over. it's done. i lost again. boy b is the two-time defending mario kart championship champion. what the fuck.

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

i thought i had it. i really did. in the final race he hit me with a fuckin' shrinking lightning bolt and then ran me over.

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

he laughed about it. i called him a motherfucker. he started crying. i started crying. it was an ugly scene.

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

everyone in the house is frazzled and frustrated and awful. this is what it was like in the studio when lil wayne played rebirth for people.

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

thank you for your support. i'm sorry i let everyone down. i'm gonna go find a bunch of broken glass and eat as much as i can real fast.

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

OH SNAP I DIDN'T EVEN TELL YOU THE WORST PART HE WAS PLAYING WITH TOAD HE FUCKING BEAT ME WITH TOAD TOAD TOOOOAAADDD THE WORLD IS UNRAVELING

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

i had donkey kong and he had toad. in what world does donkey kong lose to toad? toad is motherfucking mushroom. A MUSHROOM.

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

like, i mean, how the fuck is toad so fast???

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

toad just fucked my whole thanksgiving break off

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

toad raced like he was god damn tom cruise in days of thunder

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

donkey kong was like ricky bobby after the accident :(

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

"daddy, donkey kong is sooooo slow" BITCH I KNOW I HAVE EYES LEAVE ME ALONE I HATE YOU // us, earlier

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

i'm gonna sneak in their room when they fall asleep and hit them in the torsos with a soap wrapped up in a towel like on full metal jacket

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

i am 32-years-old and have a college degree and a real life job and i lost to a kid wearing a fucking ninja turtles onesie

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

"daddy, but why do i keep winning at mario kart?" BITCH I WILL DROPKICK YOU RIGHT THE FUCK IN YOUR FRAIL NINJA TURTLE CHEST

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

this is the greatest failure of my life and it was delivered to me by a kid that one time for real ate his own poop as a baby

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

is toad a dude or a chick never mind it doesn't even matter this is the worst night of my whole life i'm so mad at mario right now

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

i'm gonna play regular super mario bros right now & when i get to the lava stage im gonna make mario jump straight the fuck in over and over

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

i thought i loved my sons endlessly but then we played mario kart and i realized that i hate them so, so much

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

"daddy, why did you pick donkey kong? he's too slow." BITCH YOU SHOULD'VE SAID SOMETHING WHEN WE WERE PICKING PLAYERS NOT IN THE THIRD RACE

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

they picked toad and yoshi and i picked donkey kong and they just sat there and laughed to themselves. they let me walk right into the L.

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

"daddy, i thought you said you were the master of everything?" BITCH I'M THE MASTER OF KARATE PUNCHING HOE ASS MARIO KART CHAMPIONS

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

my plan is to drink six or seven red bulls and then wait until 3AM then wake the boys up and play DMX super loud and make them play me again

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

i'm on some guantanamo bay type shit

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

drake lied. this is the bottom

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

revenge: next time we practice math, i'm teaching them all wrong shit. then when they get a bad mark on their report card i'm punishing them

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

i just can't get even handle all of this

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

i have to go sleep. my nose is bleeding. sorry again, everyone. i thought i was gonna win. i really did. sorry, parents. sorry, america.

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 30, 2013

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
We know man, we know.

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