WTF? Trying to Make Sense of "The Catfish Avenger" (Season 2, Episode 10)

Clearly not satisfied with the prospect of commanding our attention for only four hours with its awards show coverage, MTV decided to up the ante with a VMAs edition of Catfish. While I initially thought to hold this against them, this was by far one of the wildest episodes I’ve ever seen of the show—somewhat making up for the interruption of my regularly scheduled viewing habits. If nothing else, Max and Nev, y’all kept things interesting. Even so, you still have some ‘splaining to do with the company you keep and broadcast to the world.

What started out as your typical expose on the idiocies of the horny and the gullible ended up morphing into some odd chain of events with a personality best surmised as “The Catfish Avenger.” I can handle slight detours into Crazy Town, but last night’s episode teetered towards Tyler Perry levels of ridiculous—including the bad acting. Let’s try to make sense of this sensationalism.

Written by Michael Arceneaux (@youngsinick)

Artis is a father three times over who lives with the mother of his children. But he’s been spending a fair amount of time boo-loving a woman by the name of Jess that he met via Facebook. When asked why he’s chasing women online when he already has a partner at home, he offered what sounded like a modern adaptation of Rose Royce’s “Love Don’t Live Here Anymore.” (For the record, I prefer the Mary J. Blige and Faith Evans cover.) As fate would have it, both he and his Internet girlfriend are in relationships and live with their partners. In other words, they’re both trife as hell and in theory belong together.

In true Catfish fashion, Artis has never video chatted with Jess. Hell, he’s never even spoken to her on the phone.

Artis wanted to meet Jess in hopes of starting a new life, only he wanted to do Catfish his way. As in, he told Max and Nev that he didn’t want them to come to his house (because there’s a girlfriend around). This prompted a scolding from Nev, who explained to Artis that they’re not the type of guys who help another guy cheat on his girlfriend. Honesty is the best policy for the host of a show that profits off deception.

Eventually, the three met up at a diner and Artis told them that his relationship was over. He and his girlfriend sleep in different rooms and haven't been intimate in a year. He explained, “We in a financial relationship.” I’m not entirely convinced that Max and Nev believed him, but I trust that they knew they had a show to film, so it was in their best interest keep it moving.

As they continued to prod Artis, we learned that he has only seen one picture of Jess. As naive as he is thirsty, Artis explained that Jess told him that her boyfriend is super controlling and strict—so strict to the point that she only had one photo of herself online. Naturally, the picture is a little sketchy. Man, is Jess’ boyfriend a regular Ike Turner or what? It was at this point that I felt like I was watching the No Child Left Behind edition of Catfish.

These people never, ever learn. PSA: Beautiful people don’t only have one picture around. You’re welcome, simpletons. Bonus tip: Girls that look like Porno Britney Spears don't attend the "Skool of Hard Knocks."

Max and Nev begin their research of Jess, which leads them to a guy named Kevin who confirms that Jess is a fake based on previous dealings. Jess started friending a bunch of people from a small town, and like most small towns, everyone knows everyone, which results in a short expiration period on make-believe people. Scooby and Shaggy then did a Google search of the one image of Jess, and shocker, the picture that looks as though it belonged to a porn star belonged to a porn star.

Artis was devastated.

Nev tried to convince Artis that despite Jess being a fake with a penchant for porn star pictures, genuine feelings existed. Sure, assuming he meant anger. Max and Nev tried to get Jess on the phone, but that wasn’t happening. Instead, she wrote them back. In fact, she made Max and Nev prove their identities to her.

Once we arrived at the meet and greet, Jess turned out to be Justin, who reminded me of Al Boreland from Home Improvement. Justin slowly clapped as he approaches Artis, who at this points looked as though he was about to catch a case. Justin said he wanted to “talk” to Artis, who couldn’t be any less interested in conversation. In turn, Justin quipped, "You can still be my chocolate kiss, baby." Somewhere, Artis’ baby mama was shouting, "THAT'S WHAT YOUR ASS GETS FOR CHEATING ON FACEBOOK!" Artis walked off before committing a crime in front of a camera.

Bewildered, Nev said to Justin, “Obviously, you’re gay.” Justin said he wasn't, then went on to explain that he’s using his power—pretending to be someone else online—to teach cheaters like Artis a lesson. So he's the Catfish Dexter. Sure.

Max and Nev went to Justin’s house, giving the avenger the chance "to tell his side of the story.” In other words, they wanted to psychoanalyze him. Eager to please, Justin went off on a diatribe about how he ended up homeless after his father died, and how that caused him to develop this grand love for his current girlfriend that has in turn made him want to punish those who don’t treat their women like the queens they are.

Max and Nev counseled him to love himself and heal. Justin dismissed and left.

I’ve said this before, but Catfish continues to go the way of The Jenny Jones Show. Artis kept his cool in this instance, but you could hear him repeatedly say he was embarrassed. He didn’t react violently, but there’s only going to be so many times an attention-starved asshole like Justin is going to get his jollies acting like a villain from a superhero franchise before someone eventually flips out and gets hurt. The producers of this show need to tread lightly in the way they help glamorize this brand of crazy.

Now as it pertains to the aftermath, Justin stopped pretending to be a porn star with a period, claiming he retired on top. As for Artis, he’s back with the mother of his kids and they’re having sex. Happy ending.