While actual shootings and stabbings have gone down in recent years, if anything, the Big Apple's millennial boom has escalated the rampant slaughter of its citizens' self-esteem. Everyone here is beautiful, successful, and, in general, doing better than you.

You could've been a big fish in the small pond you swam upstream from, but now you're treading in the biggest ocean on the planet, and no amount of improv classes are going to change that. The grass is always greener, not that you would even be able to see it on the rooftop garden you'll never afford.