5. You haven't actually eaten lunch during a lunch break in months.

In director Steve McQueen’s darkly riveting Shame, Michael Fassbender’s sexually obsessed character, Brandon, has a nasty workplace ritual: Every day, when others are chowing down on wraps or going outside to inhale fresh air, he’s holed up in a bathroom stall, with ass-wiping paper covering the toilet seat, and he’s rubbing one out.

To emphasize the inevitability of Brandon’s daily self-pleasing actions, McQueen intersperses quick glimpses of Brandon entering the men’s room with an emotionless look on his face—he knows it’s about go down, yet he doesn’t want anyone to realize it.

If you can’t wait until work’s over and you’re back home to stroke it, you, sir, are just as bad with nut-busts as chain smokers are with nicotine. Only with better breath.