FASHION

You can’t be a douchebag without a wardrobe to match, and both of these men can be irritating simply because of the clothes on their back. Even though he may not dress as offensively as he speaks, Charlie Sheen’s attempts to look 20 years younger than he really is often come across as pathetic.

Armed with a collection of cheesy fedoras and dark shades to hide his coked-out eyes, Sheen looks like the quintessential sleazy SoCal drug dealer, complete with a half-opened Tommy Bahama button down that reveals his disgusting middle-aged chest hair. Like the creepy loner that inhabits every college club smelling like cheap cigars and stale Cool Water cologne, Sheen’s wardrobe gives a pretty good insight into his inner douchiness.

But before you go off and give Sheen the “Fashion” category, take a long, hard look at Ashton Kutcher without bursting a blood vessel in your head. It’s impossible; the man looks like a complete tool from the time he wakes up in the morning until he falls asleep next to his mostly synthetic wife. Whether he’s wearing one of his many, many blazers, or rocking a wool beanie with a suit, Kutcher looks like the love child of an L.L. Bean catalogue and the Barney’s online store. And his douchey half-beard doesn’t help matters either.

What's so annoying about Kutcher is just how damn perfect he looks at all times. Seriously, there isn’t one picture of Kutcher available where he doesn’t look perfectly groomed. We’re wondering if Ashton should take a little less time meticulously dressing himself every day and spend more time cultivating a worthwhile movie and/or TV project.

The edge goes to: Ashton Kutcher