Anthony Bourdain recently described Paula Deen as "the worst, most dangerous person to America." And while we want to defend the sweet Southern woman with cries of "Leave Paula alone!" we can't, because Bordain's assessment is accurate.

But when you're outspoken about your affinity for butter and all things fried, you can't really expect to avoid getting called out, can you, Paula? The Food Network may describe your comfort-driven approach to food on Paula's Home Cooking as "uncomplicated," but simple doesn't have to equate to fat bombs like fried butter balls, brunch burgers made of glazed donuts with bacon and eggs and fried cheesecake. You're killing us softly with these calorie-laden concoctions, and no amount of Southern charm or sweet talk will rid you of the guilt of bringing your unholy approach to home cooking into our kitchens.

Repeat after us, Paula: Quality is not determined by the quantity of butter.