The first trailer for the latest film adaptation of Alexandre Dumas’ classic French serialized novel (first published in 1844) has several problems. Let's run through them, shall we? 

First, the characters are speaking English with British accents. We get it. It’s common in Hollywood period blockbusters. But for the sake of authenticity, and poor children stuck in this country’s educational system who can’t differentiate between France and Britain, please do something so average Americans don’t assume everyone in Europe speaks English.

Secondly, it's directed by Paul W.S. Anderson, the guy behind such effects-heavy clunkers as Death Race, Resident Evil, and Mortal Kombat. Though his films are great for middle school boys with fantasies of dating video game characters, we can't really trust his taste in creating an epic.

Last but not least, it’s marketed as “shot” in 3D. Do we really care at this point when there’s no difference in the overall experience? Why can’t these greedy studios let us live?

The film doesn’t hit theaters until October 14, and regardless of our premature criticism, the cast—which consists of Logan Lerman (Percy Jackson & the Olympians), Matthew Macfadyen (Frost/Nixon), Ray Stevenson (Punisher: War Zone), and Christoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds)—is reputable. We’ll save further analysis after we actually see the movie.