Today, Michelle Obama announced that Charlotte, N.C. will host the Democratic National Convention in 2012, describing the Queen City as “marked by its southern charm, warm hospitality, and ‘an up-by-the-bootstraps’ mentality.” According to her emailed announcement, she and the President fell in love with N.C. during their time on the campaign trail. How could you not? Have you ever had barbecue in N.C.? Our First Lady has: she mentions it in her email. But curiously, she failed to mention the five following facts about the Queen City...


1. "Charlotte" also refers to the name of a haircut. While the First Lady (correctly) described Charlotte as "home to innovative, hardworking folks with big hearts and open minds," it's also home to some rednecks. Actually a whole bunch of 'em. So many, in fact, that residents of the Raleigh-Durham Research Triangle Area (Charlotte's "big city" rivals in North Carolina and no strangers to 'neckdom themselves) have been known to refer to mullets as "Charlottes." 


2. Charlotte loves Bojangles. Expat Southerners get very excited when they hear news of Chik-fil-A's continued expansion outside the Bible Belt; they'd truly lose their minds if the Charlotte-based Bojangles' Famous Chicken & Biscuits ever opened a franchise north of the Mason-Dixon Line. Bojangles is Southern fast food on steroids: salty, greasy, delicious, and not very good for you. Also, its sweet tea is laced with crack. Our legal department would like us to note that the steroid and crack references are metaphors...


3. Charlotte hates GWAR. In 1990 the art-metal band GWAR played a show in Charlotte, and their lead singer was arrested for, among other things, simulating anal sex with a priest, simulating ejaculation with a 2-foot artificial penis, and simulating eating feces. As part of the plea bargain, the city banned the group from playing any shows within city limits for a year. You'd think we'd be chiding the town for trampling on the First Amendment here, but just thinking about eating dookie is disgusting to us, so we're giving 'em a pass.


4. Juwanna Mann and Shallow Hal were both set in Charlotte. This isn't actually the Queen City's first close-up on the national stage. Nope, that happened in the early '00s when groundbreaking films about a cross-dressing professional basketball player and a man who falls in love with a fat girl he doesn't think is fat were filmed there. Draw your own conclusions about the effect that particular double feature had on civic pride.


5. Charlotte is the birthplace of Billy Graham and both K-Ci and Jo-Jo, and was also the one-time home of Carson McCullers. Direct line to God + "All My Life" + The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter > whatever measly cultural contributions your podunk town has made.