'Bean Dad' Apologizes After Viral Story About Letting Daughter Struggle With Can Opener (UPDATE)

On Sunday, social media swarmed a father dubbed 'Bean Dad' over a lengthy thread documenting his apparent refusal to open a can of beans for his daughter.

Spilled can of beans
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Image via Getty/anthony_taylor

Spilled can of beans

UPDATED 1/5, 2:30 p.m. ET: In a note on his website titled “An Apology,” John Roderick explained himself and the #BeanDad debacle in detail.My parenting story’s insensitivity and the legacy of hurtful language in my past are both profound failures. I want to confront them directly,” he wrote in his introduction.

The 52-year-old musician/podcaster said his tale was “poorly told” satire and he “didn’t share how much laughing we were doing, how we had a bowl of pistachios between us all day as we worked on the problem, or that we’d both had a full breakfast together a few hours before. Her mother was in the room with us all day and alternately laughing at us and telling us to be quiet while she worked on her laptop.”

Roderick added that imitating an "asshole dad" is "my comedic persona and my fans and friends know it’s ‘a bit.’" Sorting through both his poorly received story about his interaction with his daughter as well as resurfaced tweets, he wrote, "I was ignorant, insensitive to the message that my 'pedant dad' comedic persona was indistinguishable from how abusive dads act, talk and think. … I am deeply sorry for having precipitated more hurt in the world, for having prolonged or exacerbated it by fighting back and being flippant when confronted, and for taking my Twitter feed offline yesterday instead of facing the music. ... As for the many racist, anti-Semitic, hurtful and slur-filled tweets from my early days on Twitter I can say only this: all of those tweets were intended to be ironic, sarcastic. I thought then that being an ally meant taking the slurs of the oppressors and flipping them to mock racism, sexism, homophobia, and bigotry." After discussing those issues in his apology, he stated, "That was wrong, so I stopped."

See original story below.

Over the weekend Twitter swarmed the mentions of a person dubbed "Bean Dad" (who had previously gone by the non-Twitter name John Roderick) over his refusal to open a tin can for his kid. 

A sentence like that probably doesn't need added context, but we'll try. 

On Saturday, Roderick—a podcaster and frontman of the Long Winters—shared a (too long) thread that told a story of advising his hungry 9-year-old daughter to eat baked beans, the favorite food of kids worldwide:

So you taught your daughter she shouldn't ask people for help when she needs it and that doing things in the most difficult way possible is smarter than doing it efficiently. I can see why you immediately ran to twitter to brag on yourself.

— Rachel (@snicklefritz35) January 3, 2021

Long story short, she didn't know how to use a can opener. At some point she quit, and then at some other point she came back to it. At some point *six hours later* everything came together:

Teacher here.

1. Kids learn best when they aren’t hungry.

2. Everyone learns differently and different approaches (eg. A guiding hand) are helpful, especially if/when someone’s struggling.

3. When a child is frustrated to the point of tears, you’ve lost your teachable moment.

— Apoxon; Phone Gremlin (@apoxon) January 3, 2021

This entire thing reminds me of my dad and his "fed you, clothed you, sent you to school. I did my duty as a father you have to love me" bullshit. This kid just learned that a jigsaw puzzle is more important than she is.

— PenQuinnFrog (@intelfrog) January 3, 2021

According to 52-year-old Roderick, she eventually floated the idea of using a hammer to bust open the can. 

Agreed. And to everyone asking what kind of 9 yr old can't use a can opener I ask: What kind of parent hasn't taught their kid to use a can opener before 9? You do know they don't come preloaded with kitchen skills, right? Let your kids help in the kitchen. Modeling 101.

— Alisha Akins (@alishamarie713) January 4, 2021

Again, the process reportedly took six hours.

YouTube next time:

Learning that you can be frustrated to the point of tears...and still carry on...is a good lesson.

— shameonyoudule (@shameonyoudule) January 3, 2021

The thread went on for more than 20 tweets, and included lines such as "I told her stories of some of the great cans I’d opened over the years. She rolled her eyes. We talked about industrial design and what a funny little device the opener is," and "She looked at me expectantly, excitedly. After six hours of trying you don’t want to express too much hope. Was this another blind alley? The can had been through hell, label ripped off, dented, sharpened and burred, a veteran of a thousand psychic wars. She knew, though."

This hopefully serves as enough evidence of why more tweets aren't embedded. You can read it all here, including his responses to very angry criticisms, before wondering why you're doing that.

Some might find this thread to be a story of a man trying too hard to sound deep, whereas others (me) might've fallen asleep halfway through. 

Still, Twitter, where cooler heads always prevail, and hysteria is shouted down by the reasonable, was of the opinion that this was either shitty or good parenting. Come to your own conclusion, but that's how the "Bean Dad" moniker was born.

Here's a sample of the reaction, followed by Bean Dad's reaction to the reaction below it. As is often the case with micro-controversies, the real winners here seem to be those who stayed away:

All you've taught her is that her father will not help her when she approaches a problem she cannot resolve. Regardless of whether she's hungry or tired or she hurts herself, her father will not raise a finger to help her, even a gesture as simple as guiding her hand.

— Lynn/Mulder (@tonewplaces) January 3, 2021

This was a great story told really well.

Also good for you to teach your child how to problem solve, it is an essential skill far too lacking in people.

Giving someone an answer never teaches them to figure out answers on their own, her life will be far easier now.

— James Weible (@james_weible) January 3, 2021

Bean Dad's daughter is now about 6 hours into watching her dad try to learn how to close a can of worms.

— Syama Mishra (@SyamaMishra) January 4, 2021

#BeanDad explained pic.twitter.com/eVLUVuyRGL

— Jon Sneyers (@jonsneyers) January 4, 2021

"I once spent six hours trying to open a can of beans because my dad refused to show me how to use a tin opener" pic.twitter.com/m9hvaOOqWW

— Jonny Sharples (@JonnyGabriel) January 4, 2021

You must open a tin of beans with no help from your dad. You have 6 hours. pic.twitter.com/CnoJBynqxy

— Rhys James (@rhysjamesy) January 4, 2021

Interesting how Bean Dad just deleted his account instead of appreciating the teachable moment

— shelby. (@cathedralslut) January 4, 2021

One of the things about having survived abusive parents is that it can provide some insight into what abusive behavior looks like.

Bean Dad's behavior was abusive. I recognized it, other folks I know who survived childhood abuse recognized it...

— Matthew Cortland (they) @mattbc.bsky.social (@mattbc) January 4, 2021

In addition to tweets @'ing or quoting Bean Dad, there were more general jokes that capitalized on a new addition to the culture war lexicon. Only time will tell if this one lasts, but let us all hope it does not:

After the Twitter furor came to Roderick's attention he responded by saying the firestorm was overblown. That's just the most basic way of putting it, but here he is reflecting upon it in his own words:

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