Director: Adam Shankman
Stars: Julianne Hough, Diego Boneta, Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin, Paul Giamatti, Russell Brand, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Malin Akerman, Mary J. Blige, Bryan Cranston, Will Forte

Two hours' worth of big-name movie stars wearing laughable '80s rock garb while singing karoake? On paper, that pitch sounds excruciating, and, we're not so happy to report, Rock of Ages is exactly that. Tenfold.

Based on the hit Broadway musical, director Adam Shankman's glitzy, ditzy musical feels like a shallow vanity project for every actor and actress involved. Even worse, it's devoid of any fervor for anyone other than the stars' agents, their financial advisers, and those obnoxious folks who frequent '80s bars and play air guitar whenever a Def Leppard song begins.