God forbid you ever have to perform an exorcism, because Hollywood has yet to provide an effective playbook. We’re not talking about cleansing the rage out of one’s girlfriend after she finds a long blonde hair in your bed and she's a brunette. In those cases, it’s best to haul ass to a guy-friend’s house, because hell hath no fury like a wifey scorned and armed with a steak knife. When we say “exorcism,” we mean the religious kind that’s often fictionalized in horror films. The granddaddy of them all, of course, is William Friedkin’s The Exorcist, a 38-year-old flick that we still can’t watch alone (no wonder it’s our DVD-date-night movie of choice). The Exorcist is a great shocker, partly because the ineptitude of the priests leads to several scary-ass moments. After seeing the commercials for the latest devil-in-a-human-body entry, The Rite (starring Anthony Hopkins), opening this weekend, we thought about the countless preceding films of its ilk. And what do they all have in common? Botched exorcisms. It’s safe to say that The Rite will continue the trend, so we’ve compiled an exorcism tutorial of sorts, using the biggest follies from horror’s history. Grab some holy water and study up on the 10 ways not to perform an exorcism.

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