Image via Complex Original
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The NBA lockout has been in effect for just over a week now, and we're already sick of it. Millionaires squabbling with billionaires over billions of dollars in revenue just doesn't seem right when there's so many bigger problems in the world. And the NBA names we want to hear most during the summer sure aren't David Stern and Billy Hunter. Still, it's the reality, and we need to deal with it. So, with no further ado, we present What Are the Odds?: Handicapping The NBA Lockout. You're welcome.
1,000,000-1
1,000,000:1
David Stern Admits He Was Wrong
Actually, a million to one might be low odds here. David Stern never admits he's wrong. Ever. Even if the lockout makes teams, players and fans alike struggle and suffer for a full season, the commish will just sit back, smile smugly and make it seem like you're the one with the problem. Thanks, Dave!
1,000-1
1,000:1
NBA Stars Start Rival League
Rivalry can be a good thing sometimes. The ABA did just fine for a decade or so, and that was without (Dr. J and several other notables aside) premier talent. What if LeBron and D. Wade and Kobe and Derrick Rose decided that, hey, we're the ones with the power here, and we want to play professional basketball in America? Could they abandon the NBA and start up a League of their own? Unlikely, to be sure. But we can dream.
500-1
500:1
LeBron Announces He's Taking His Talents to Xinxiang
Or anywhere in China, actually. Hey, China is a growing sneaker market, and there's only so much more growth his signature Nike line can achieve in America. And for someone who lists his main goal as "global icon," why not take the opportunity to spread his brand around the, um, globe? Probably not, though. Maybe if he was a little older, maybe if his Heat had won the title this time around. He's still got too much to do here.
100-1
100:1
The Season Starts On Time
It's only July, you know. Yes, we've lost summer league and some of the free agency period, but if they were to come to an agreement now... oh, who are we kidding? Hope for a January start, and sorry about the All-Star Game, Orlando. Get you next time.
50-1
50:1
Shaq Attaq Comes Baq
Retirement doesn't come easy for professional athletes. The body says it's time to hang it up, you finally give in, and then you realize — what's next? When will I ever be the best at something again? Not to mention the guaranteed millions of dollars. So after taking a little break and letting the body heal, guys tend to get a little restless. Sure, Shaq has plenty to fall back on. He's got the police thing and the "acting" thing and he could easily get a spot on "Inside The NBA" or ESPN. But will that be enough? Will jousting with Charles Barkley in the studio be as satisfying as banging with him in the paint? Shaq's only 39, and the center position is still weak. Why not?
10-1
10-1
Yao Ming Comes Back
Pity poor Yao Ming. Yes, he's made millions, but he's paid the price. The 7-5 center tried to honor his obligations to both team and country, and his 300-plus pound frame just isn't built for the rigors of a neverending season. His foot injuries have been frequent and severe, and he's talked about hanging the hightops up for good. But an extended lockout will give him more time to rest and heal, and perhaps this time it'll take. It would be nice if one good thing came out of this mess.
UPDATE: According to Yahoo! Sports, Yao has in fact retired. So much for silver linings.
5-2
5:2
Kobe Plays Overseas
After all, he's been there before. Kobe spent a big chunk of his childhood overseas as his dad Joe "Jellybean" Bryant played seven seasons in Italy. He knows the language and the culture. Plus, he'd get a chance to follow his favorite futbol teams more closely. And there's already rumblings of an offer from Besiktas, the Turkish team that also hopes to score All-Star point guard Deron Williams. Plus, the ultimate predator needs prey. We'd say it was a mortal lock if it weren't for nagging injuries that might do best with time off.
3-2
3:2
Mark Cuban Gets Penalized For Contact With Players
One of the conditions of the lockout is that players cannot communicate (and vice-versa) with front office personnel, coaches, even trainers. Violators at the team level can be subject to seven-figure fines or even loss of draft picks. It's hard to imagine anyone is suffering more than Mavs Fan For Life and Mavs owner (in that order) Mark Cuban, who does everything but actually suit up for his beloved franchise. The fact that he can pay a seven-figure fine from his PayPal account and just cough up $3 million for another draft pick means that it might take more than that kind of punishment to keep him away from Dirk and the guys. (Sorry, Dirk — change your number.)
1-1
1:1
Micheal Beasley Is Busted For Weed
Oops, that already happened.
1-5
1:5
NBA Star Suffers Bizarre Off-Court Injury
If there's one thing NBA players don't need it's more free time. Especially this kind of free time, freed from all official obligations to their teams and not knowing when (or if) the season will start. Even with the season, guys get hurt in odd ways (or so they claim) — Carlos Boozer tripping over a bag in his house, Derrick Rose suffering a tragic apple-cutting incident. But this summer has more potential than most. Combine ultimate freedom with the bizarre planking craze — which hopefully has come to an end — and who knows what could happen? Come on, Gilbert, haven't you had enough problems?
