10 Signs You're a Douchebag Bike Rider

Is it you?

May 05, 2013
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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

Cycling is reaching new heights of popularity, from the urban commuters to the weekend warriors. Like any burgeoning culture, it has people who ruin it by being totally lame. These are the types of folks who either take it too seriously that it ceases to be fun or try so hard to be cool that they come off as completely idiotic. It might be you. Take heed of these 10 Signs You're a Douchebag Bike Rider.

Related: 15 Bicycles You Need To Check Out For Summer

Related: The 10 Best Fixed Gear Bikes Under $500

10. You never take off your cycling shoes.

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You walk into the coffee shop fully decked out for the Tour De France when you're only just commuting to work... which is only five blocks from your house.

9. You get a thrill out of cutting off pedestrians.

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You live for those precious seconds between "Walk" and "Don't Walk," trying to push the limits of how quick you can blast past the crosswalk—not because you're in a hurry or anything, you just have to let these people know who's boss.

8. You have a $5,000 road bike but don't know how clipless pedals work.

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If your bike costs as much as a car, more power to you if you can afford that and still pay rent. But if you're not using that tech and material to its fullest potential, you're just fooling yourself. Do you really need that much carbon fiber?

7. You have spoke cards from events you didn't participate in.

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Nothing screams "poser" louder than this.

6. You ride on the sidewalk and you're not 8 years old.

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Do you need training wheels too? Share the road with traffic and ride the rest of us.

5. You have a cup holder on your bike.

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This essentially transforms your bike from awesome two-wheeled vehicle to soccer mom minivan. We're all for convenience, but AT WHAT COST?

4. You ride a fixie with no brakes.

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"Look ma, no hands!" And no brain either, evidently.

3. You're convinced you always have the right of way.

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Otherwise known as the douchebag who continually rides the wrong way down a one-way street. You don't keep yourself fully aware of your surroundings, you expect it to be the other way around.

2. You lock your bike in a way that nobody else can lock up near it.

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There is a special place in hell for you.

1. You own a yellow jersey.

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Considering the yellow jersey's special significance in the world of cycling, riding around in one you haven't earned is a bit presumptuous, don't you think?

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