Y’all didn’t think I was going to come back to Complex and not keep doing these, right? If you followed along during the final season of Game of Thrones, I watched the last eight episodes of the series without watching any other season and then reviewed the episodes. It was a blast. I became the hottest TV reviewer on the planet.
With that in mind, I’m bringing the format over to Game 5 of the NBA Finals. Frazier won’t be providing commentary because he’s probably watching Big Bang Theory.
This feels like the biggest NBA game since Game 7 in 2016. I wrote earlier that the Raptors had to win this game. If they don’t, I just don’t see them winning the series. It’s been that weird. Kevin Durant is back. Drake is courtside. Kawhi is chilling. What more could you want? I think the Raptors will do it, but this is going to be crazy. Let’s have some fun.
Pregame:
The Canadian anthem fucking slaps. Drake should remix it.
What’s the over/under on how many times Mike Breen yells “Bangggggggggg” tonight? I’ll say 5.
KD looks healthy as fuck in warmups. What if this was just a huge troll job?
These Kawhi highlights are insane. I might be ready to call him the best basketball player in the world.
Mark Jackson’s coat frightens me. What the fuck is that?
My favorite bets for the game: Warriors moneyline and whatever the under is on Kyle Lowry’s points. We’ll revisit these later.
1st Quarter
As a Cavs fan, I honestly don’t know what I want to happen. I don’t really like the Raptors, but the Warriors coming back from 3-1 in the Finals is my worst nightmare, so go dinosaurs.
Drake’s shirt looks way too tight.
This is about to be a fucking slugfest.
KD IS FUCKING BACK WOW.
The crowd looks so nervous. They should be nervous.
Marc Gasol on fire, just like we all predicted.
BUT THEY WERE BETTER WITHOUT KEVIN DURANT.
Let’s get this out of the way: The Hamptons 5 is a really dumb name.
Four minutes in and this shit is incredible.
Warriors on pace to score 245 points
Very much in on the new Men in Black, btw. It’s basically Thor 4.
Draymond shoots 3s like he has bricks in his shoes
BOARD MAN GETS PAID.
These fucking Raptors never quit. This is crazy.
FVV is checking in, so you know some crazy shots are about to drop
Steph trying to show out and escape the slander coming his way if the Warriors lose. Not so fast, my friend.
Steph’s mini-golf show looks so bad, and I can’t wait to watch every episode while sobbing that basketball isn’t on TV anymore.
The Raptors will probably need Kyle Lowry to score at some point.
We might see Dray fight a ref tonight.
Mark Jackson might be blind. This is both based on what he says and his coat.
Lmao KD is not good at talking shit.
The Warriors look like the Warriors. KD is on fire. But the Raptors are right there. Idk.
2nd Quarter
I don’t even need to tell y’all that I’ll be lined up for Hobbs & Shaw. Might go get in line right now.
Damn, no Boogie?
Bogut only wants to win this series so he can do a one-man visit to the White House
Klay, Steph, and KD alllllllll cooking. Jeez.
Fuck.
He’s done. Fuck. Shit.
That’s corny, Raptors fans. Don’t cheer.
KD came back and was cooking. Only for that to happen. Damn. That really sucks.
The vibe of this game is just so different. Just a total bummer.
Good to see Boogie making an impact.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOGIEEEEEE.
Warriors are fighting. Love to see it. Boogie 4 MVP.
FVV should probably stop fouling Steph while he shoots 3s.
THE BOOGIE GAME.
Drake and Dray gonna fight at midcourt.
The Raptors just don’t stop.
This game feels so much less fun without KD. Smh.
Warriors might get RAN in the second half. They look defeated.
What a wild first half. So much happened. Steph is going to have to go GOD mode to do this for the Warriors.
3rd Quarter
Feels like the game is in the balance here to start the second half.
Klay really doesn’t want to go home.
FVV was bleeding from the eye last game. Let’s never forget.
KD officially out for the rest of the game. Man, brutal. Still sucks so much.
Raptors can’t buy a shot from deep, and the Warriors are on fire.
If the Raptors lose this game…
The Warriors are just playing unreal right now.
Kyle Lowry really just standing around
FVV TO THE RESCUE.
FVV really like Derek Fisher and J.J. Berea combined. Dude just hits big shots.
Klay is just so fucking good. Every single game.
The Warriors have never missed a 3 after an offensive rebound. You can’t convince me otherwise.
The Raptors keep doing dumb shit.
I have way too much money on this game right now. I will hate the Raptors forever if they don’t win. They can also lose by less than five points, please.
Kawhi has been...not very good.
Like, really not good.
Wheeeeew. One quarter left. I think the Raptors do it, but because I said that, they def won’t.
4th Quarter
Not really a surprise at this point, but I can’t wait to see STUBER.
Will this be a classic ending? Kawhi just needs to find it. Steph has been on. My body is ready.
Danny Green shot that 3 like he was blindfolded.
Mark Jackson with some Steve Kerr shade lmaooooooooo.
To be fair, I can’t believe Kerr is playing this lineup lmao.
KYLE LOWRY HOLY SHIT.
Serge Ibaka and Kyle Lowry. I’ll be damned. Toronto wants this shit.
Voting for Drake to win Finals MVP, btw.
Steph and Klay have pushed the lead every single time Toronto has gotten close, so I have no clue what to think.
Triangle and 2???? Nick Nurse is a wizard
BOARD MAN GETS PAID.
Dray 3s should count as 12 points.
NORM POWELL WHAT LMAOOOOOO OMG.
(KAWHI TOOK LIKE 4 STEPS.)
NVM BUT IT LOOKED BAD
Let’s talk about Norm jumping from that far out. I 100% thought he wasn’t going to make it.
KAWHI IS UNREAL.
KAWHI ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.
BUCKET.
BUCKET.
HE WAS BAD. NOW HE’S GOOD.
THIS IS CRAZY. THE RAPTORS MIGHT ACTUALLY DO IT.
(Where is steph curry?????)
Kawhi could announce he’s leaving right after this game and I don’t think any Raptors fan would care if they win.
Klay. Cold-blooded.
That’s a bad call. Give Boogie his bucket.
They have Steve Javie locked in that room at all times.
Wow, Boogie robbed.
Lowry, wtf you doing, bro
STEPH. WOW.
KLAY. WOW. HOLY SHIT.
THEY WONT DIE.
THIS IS ON LOWRY. WTF IS HE DOING.
THIS GAME IS STUPID IN THE BEST WAY.
I feel like something fucking crazy is about to happen.
OMG NO BOOGIE NO.
HOLY SHIT.
LOWRY NO WAY WTF.
THAT WAS THE SHOT???????
THAT WAS THE WORST SHOT I’VE EVER SEEN OMG.
HOW DID THE RAPTORS JUST LOSE.
I don’t even know what to say. What a clutch performance by Steph and Klay. But are you serious, Toronto? You had it! Kyle Lowry actually shot that shot. I don’t even know what to say. I’m in shock. The Raptors had every chance to close that out and now they have to go back to Oakland. Unreal.
KYLE LOWRY BRO WTF.
Guess I’ll see you guys for Game 6.
