20 Things Everyone on Facebook Feels the Need to Post About

Isn't the whole point of working out that we'll know without you telling us? If the only way for people to notice that you've been hitting the gym is to inform them on social media, it might be time to switch up that exercise routine. We also love the statuses looking for sympathy because they aren't going to the gym or they're cheating on their diet. We do this sort of thing all the time, but we've learned that you are infinitely better off keeping the shame of eating an entire box of Oreos in one evening between you and the crumb-filled sofa cushion.

Unfortunately, not everyone loves their job. There are just too many fast food joints in the world for that to be possible. Considering most people work for most of their adult lives towards getting into a specific field, it is kind of assumed that those who are lucky enough to get into their chosen field enjoy it. If you endured years of law school, the endless rejection at auditions, or the trials and tribulations of starting your own business to get into a career you hate, then you're a glutton for punishment. Besides, it's not like those who have fallen short of their dreams are terribly excited to hear how great things are for you now that you've finally gotten that corner office you've always wanted.

You know that there are other jobs, right? Millions in fact. Almost everyone you meet has one, and, get this, they are all different. So, if you don't enjoy your job, might we suggest that you cruise on over to LinkedIn and update that resumé rather than updating us on how terrible things are for you? We'll miss your riveting updates regarding how much better your spreadsheets are than your co-workers' but we'll survive.

If you love that TV show so much, how come it's Tuesday afternoon and you haven't watched it yet? Why couldn't you carve out an hour in your busy schedule to watch Don Draper do his thing? Unless you have a Deadliest Catch style gig where you're out to sea for weeks at a time, we have to believe you have had an hour or so where it was just you and some high speed wi-fi. If you truly couldn't get your stream on until late in the week, it might have been wise to avoid Facebook in the interim. We know, we know: if you did that you would have nowhere to complain about being spoiled.

Congratulations, you read a series of books before they were turned into a television show, your medal and certificate are in the mail. During Season 1, we could almost understand this. It is both exciting and terrifying to have one of your favorite literary worlds realized onscreen, but when will it end? During Season 7 when the only character left alive will be some character George R.R. Martin hasn't even thought of yet, are we still going to get play-by-plays from book readers? If you write a book, that is something to brag about. If you need to let the world know you've read a book, the "About Me" section of your profile allows you to let the world know about every single book you've ever read, neatly arrayed in one place for Facebook users to ignore.

This one just boggles our minds. You aren't posting about this for the people you've unfriended because they no longer receive your status updates. You aren't posting this for the people you're still friends with because they aren't the people you unfriended. So, are you letting your friends know that they are special because they have survived you mass unfriending? This is all starting to make our heads hurt.

If only there was a website where people could review their dining and retail experiences, and you could avoid subpar spots yourself by referencing said site. Every day, we get notifications that someone would like to be our friend on Yelp. We would like to be able to send a notification that says something like, "Brenden would like you to know that your recent Facebook post would have been far more appropriate on Yelp!" or something to that effect. We feel for you when you get bad service or have a terrible airline experience, but telling us isn't going to make it better.

Going to work sucks, we get it. No one wants to go there and everyone is trying to get there around the same time. As such, something miraculous needs to have happened to you on the way into the office for anyone to care about the details of that transit life. Rarely are anyone's commute horror stories as riveting as the poster imagines: checking Facebook between nine and eleven on a weekday is about as exciting as your bus ride into the city. Our least favorite variety of getting to work status has to be the "something got in my way and I still made it on time" updates. If a tree falls from the forest on to the Interstate and you still get to work on time, does anybody care?

There was a time when sitting in bed watching television all day was something you wouldn't even admit to your closest friends. Now it is a badge of honor. Over Memorial Day, a time usually reserved for basking in the rays of one of the year's first truly nice weekends and playing volleyball weighed down by potato salad, the Internet turned into an horde of Arrested Development quoting zombies. Look, we aren't your high school gym teacher, so we aren't going to tell you to turn off that TV after two straight days marathoning the Golden Girls. We would just a appreciate it if you would spare us the updates as you work your way through five seasons of television over the course of one Saturday.

There is an art to this. Everyone wants to let the world know that people find them desirable, but they want to do so in a way that doesn't feel like bragging. Cue the stories about how much of "a creeper" the guy was, how "awkward" you felt after she approached you, or any other way you can spin the story to be more than the just bragging that someone found you attractive. We get it, it's nice when someone flirts with you, but there are few stories as boring as tales of someone else flirting.

Wait, if she has the best friends in the whole world and he has the best friends in the world, does that mean they have the exact same group of friends? If not, someone is misinformed. You're supposed to enjoy the company of your friends. That's why they're, you know, your friends. We'd be much more interested in hearing about the guy that hates all of his friends, that would be something new and different. He likely wouldn't be that pleasant to be around, but it would probably make for an interesting story.

It is hard being apart from your loved ones for lengthy periods of time. But, trust us, it is no where near as hard as putting up with your endless complaints about it.

When have you seen anyone's political point of view changed as the result of a conversation? If you answered anything but, "never," we would like to hear that story. Now, how many of you ahve seen someone's political point of view changed becuase of a conversation on the Internet? If you answered anything but "never," you're lying. Studies have found a roughly 70 percent correlation between the political views of parents and children. A new study has found that concluded that 85 percent of the time, political beliefs can be predicted based on your brain activity. This serves to confirm what we already knew: you can't change anyone's mind about politics. Will this stop folks from posting crappy memes and pithy slogans that advance their political agenda? We can predict the answer to that questions with 100 percent accuracy without setting up a scientific study.

The beautiful thing about America is that we all have the equal right to shove our religious beliefs down each others' throats on the Internet. From optimistic Christians posting Bible verses accompanied by crappy clip art to ardent atheists quoting Christopher Hitchens like they are his PR firm, the religious discourse in our feeds leaves us wishing that there was a Constitutional separation of church and Facebook. We aren't saying that discussion of the nature of being isn't important, we just aren't sure if a forum we use primarily for posting duckface selfies and playing Farmville is that the proper place for it.

For the majority of our Facebook friends, the social networking site is their own personal Brokeback Mountain: try as they might, they just can't quit it. While it's still unclear whether social media and its endless flow of memes, blog posts, and animated GIFs has improved our lives or has started to slow steady march toward the downfall of civilization, we all have our days where we'd like nothing better than rid ourselves of Facebook once and for all. We usually come back from the ledge of disabling our account, because, "like" it or not, social is now woven into the fabric of our lives. You're welcome to leave at any time, but then you'll miss out on pithy remarks and beach bods of your friend. The choice is yours.