Science may be certain there are four types of drunks, but a blazingly intoxicated man in Pennsylvania might very well represent the fifth. A 25-year-old man was arrested in Montour County, roughly 100 miles from Philadelphia, after authorities received a call reporting an angry lawnmower-driving individual was cruising around delivering verbal threats with a box of beer in tow.
State troopers reportedly had to corral the man using a rope, according to the Associated Press. If that doesn't conjure images of a lost Andy Griffith Show plot point, then I'm not sure what will. However, such conjurings are swiftly destroyed by the fact that the man reportedly threatened everyone around him before, during, and after his highly tweetable arrest.
With a blood-alcohol content resting at a legal-limit-eschewing .21 percent, the drunk-as-fuck lawnmower man was charged with disorderly conduct, DUI, and a number of related offenses. Somehow, drunken lawnmower cruising is a frequent occurrence all across the country:
#USA or whatever.