Every reality show that hopes to survive inherently needs to reboot itself once or twice. The Real World brought in the exes last year (in the season subtitled, EX-PLOSION) and the "skeletons" this year, Jersey Shore took its carnival act to Miami and then Italy, and Survivor now makes contestants compete against their loved ones to see if "blood is thicker than water." The only reason The Amazing Race has stayed the same is because one of CBS's main jobs is to assure old people that the world isn't rapidly changing. Also, the Emmys have pretty much co-signed the show's static approach.

One other show that refuses to change is The Bachelor. Every January there's a new, conventionally handsome white guy. (Last year they had a Venezuelan bachelor. People hated it.). As the story goes, Random White Guy's heart was broken on the previous season of The Bachelorette, so now he gets to move into ABC's L.A. mansion to make-out with as many girls as possible in a quest to find love.

This year is no different—the bachelor, Iowa farmer Chris Soules, is so white-bread he'll give you gut bacteria, and his harem of maybe jobless, maybe crazy bachelorettes is just as traditional. Undoubtedly, Chris will take advantage of these broken souls in dates on helicopters as they go from Bora Bora to Istanbul to Reykjavik (the show is very clearly running out of places to go as well). Perhaps The Bachelor is worried about changing the formula because, HOW DARE WE DISRUPT THE PATH TO LOVE, but, the show is a paltry 2-for-18 at finding everlasting happiness. So, a change could do them good.

But since it seems like no wrenches are being thrown into this new season of The Bachelor, I'm moving to reboot the series myself—as a vehicle for high-stakes gambling. Bachelor fantasy leagues already exist, but we can still do more. We need to be betting on everything about this show. As a trial run, I put together the 15 best prop bets for tonight's premiere. I'm not sure if Vegas will take these, but setting up a part of The Strip wholly devoted to reality TV betting is much further down the road in my plans to change this show, so maybe just bet amongst friends for now.

Without any further delay, here are some things to throw money at—and a way to make The Bachelor 1,000 times more fun.

Chris Soules makes a farming analogy about love...
Over 5 times: -500
Under 5 times: +250

Now, just a quick primer on how prop bets work for those who don't know. The "+250" figure next to the "under" bet means that a bettor would receive $250 in profit if they bet $100. The "-500" figure next to the "over" bet means you'd have to bet that dollar amount (in this case, $500) in order to win $100. So basically, what this bet means is that Chris Soules is probably gonna be talking a lot about how tilling corn fields is similar to hitting on girls.

Got it? Dope. Now let's rattle some off.

Will a girl cry upon meeting Chris Soules?
Yes: -100
No: +500

Will a girl reference having children with Chris Soules on the first night?
Yes: -300
No: Even Money

Will a girl's backstory intro look exceedingly fake?
Yes: -1000
No: +750

Will a girl have an occupation that isn't actually a job?
Yes: -50000
No: +1000

Okay, with a little research, you could figure out how to bet on this one:

Nope, that is not a job. Are you sure you didn't mean to write down "Bass Pro Shop employee"?

Will the News Producer contestant have a Nightcrawler moment with Chris Soules?
Yes: +2500
No: -700

Will Chris Harrison point out something self-evident?

Yes: -50000
No: Just, trust me. Don't bet "No" on this one.

Will Chris Soules tongue down a girl on the first night?
Yes: -250
No: +500

Will Chris Soules tongue down more than one girl on the first night?
Yes: +300
No: Even Money

Meta-Bachelor: How many girls will be professedly self-aware about how they're on The Bachelor?
Over 3: -1000
Under 3: +250

Will the contestant from Brooklyn talk about Brooklyn the way Taylor Swift would?
Yes: -2500

The drink of choice at the cocktail mixer will be...
Champagne: -1000
White Wine: -250
Red Wine: +200
Brown liquor: +700

Will someone slander former Venezuelan Bachelor Juan Pablo for no reason?
Yes: -1500
No: +375

Will Chris Soules and/or a girl...
Say they're "there for the right reasons": -25000
Call this TV show a "journey": -25000
Call an hours-old relationship fostered on a TV show "real": -25000

Will all of the contestants be batshit crazy?
Yes: -900
No: Just, trust me. Don't bet "No" on this one.

Happy Bachelor season everyone!

Andrew Gruttadaro is the Pop Culture news editor. He's definitely here for the right reasons, and he tweets here.