The 25 Worst Movie Titles of All Time

Some awful movie titles should be celebrated. Films like Bikini Bloodbath Carwash and Surf Nazis Must Die are bad in a way that winks at the viewer, letting everyone in on the joke. They're bad and they know it; no one should be mad about that.

When we speak of bad titles, we're not talking about those ones. No, we're talking about something else, those truly terrible movies lurking on Netflix and late-night cable. Some bad titles are misleading. Some drone on and on, taking up all available space on the theater marquee. Some spoil the movie. Others take liberties with the English language and are too stupid for real English words. And so it goes.

Whatever the reason, every movie discussed here is guilty of some sin so egregious that it'll make you scratch your head and think, "Somebody should've been fired for that one."

These are the 25 Worst Movie Titles of All Time.

Written by Brenden Gallagher (@muddycreekU)

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Far and away, this is the worst title out of the dozen or so films the Olsen twins churned out in the '90s and early 2000s. It was a close race between How the West Was Fun, Double, Double, Toil and Trouble, and Billboard Dad, but ultimately, this takes the prize.

The sin: a miserable, miserable pun. You might be thinking, "They were just kids making movies for kids." But remember that these films served as the seed money for their billion-dollar fashion empire. There are likely many embarrassing childhoods out there that were far less profitable.

He just won't stop gardening! Oh, we know, his gardening is a metaphor. Cool story, bro. But the title begs audiences to imagine the non-figurative version, and it's a doozy.

Picture a house full of scared sorority sisters, peeking through their blinds to spy the constant gardener, the strange man who's forever lurking by their well-manicured shrubs with large shears. One of them drunkenly screams out her window one night, "Do you ever stop gardening!" She shouldn't have done that. The next day, they notice that he's gone from his usual post among the azaleas and marigolds. That's because when the sun sets, he's going to start gardening them!

Roll credits on Eli Roth movie. Which is nothing like the tepid guilt of this supposed spy thriller.

They should have called this movie Clint Eastwood and a Monkey. That's a movie anyone would watch, no matter the real premise. A slap-sticky action-comedy probably makes the most sense, but if this were a spaghetti western, family drama, or slasher, we'd still watch. Just so long as the Man With No Name got into wild adventures with a primate.

Apparently, numerous advisers recommended Eastwood not make this movie. Clint knew better. When adjusted for inflation, this film is one of the top 200 hundred highest grossing films of all time. And all with a title that turns non-native speakers of English into spasming heaps of confusion.

For those of you hoping that this film is resplendent with scenes involving Drew Barrymore physically inside of cars with individuals who identify as male on the U.S. Census, we're so, so sorry. It's a cold world, what else is there to say?

You were hankering for a film that explores members of both genders, in automobiles, together, but this is really a melodrama about a young woman overcoming poor life choices. That's the thing about those shady Hollywood types, they always promise you one thing and deliver another.

It's hard to come at a film as universally heralded as It Happened One Night with criticism. Frank "let's hear it for the little guy" Capra speaks to all of us, and Clark Gable remains the paragon of a leading man to this day.

But what happened one night? It? What is it? All Casablanca did was name itself after the setting, and look how that worked out. Citizen Kane took its title from the main character; again, nothing but success. YOU'RE KEEPING US IN THE DARK, CAPRA, AND WE WON'T STAND FOR IT.

Charming little movie, though.

This title better describes your Uncle Herb's mistakes on Thanksgiving night than a film about a magical car starring Lindsay Lohan. Still, don't let the bad title discourage you. If you're a fan of NASCAR and Lohan, this is a film guaranteed to give you a night you'll maybe once think of in a way that approximates satisfaction.

For the rest of the world, a little tip: Don't google "Lindsay Lohan Loaded." You will not get the results you were expecting.

All we're saying is that if we were producing this film, we wouldn't give the owls a spot in the title, behind the colon or otherwise. (Sidebar: "Behind the Colon" is the new Shocker—tell your friends).

Stick to Legend of the Guardians and then the whole owl thing becomes one of those discoveries that viewers make after they've bought tickets—when it's too late to turn back. Once Harry Potter fever died down, the little cinematic cool that owls had earned vanished like a puff of CGI smoke.

Imagine the film's marketing team: "No, but these are the owls of Ga'Hoole. Warrior owls, guys. Guys, please. Don't walk away from me like my father did. These owls are special. Don't you close that door. At least leave the lights on. Please."

Disney went all out on John Carter, pumping torrential amounts of money into production, marketing, and distribution. One industry expert estimated that they would have to make $600 million at the box office to actually turn a profit, even though the budget was listed at a measly $250 million. Not sure if word got around to you, but it didn't quite hit those numbers.

Generally speaking, if you're going to spend that kind of cash, you're gonna want to give the film a title that isn't easily confused with a feel-good Samuel L. Jackson film. Word is, Disney made back a sizable chunk of change by blackmailing the lone patron who went to see John Carter thinking it was a Jay-Z biopic.

The movie that gives away the entire plot in the title—how'd that one fail? Dramatically speaking, there's something really stirring about knowing the ending at the beginning of this film. Watching Robert Ford fixate on the gunslinger's persona as you watch James struggle with his notoriety and legacy is all the more moving because you know that it will all come crashing down.

After Ford does the deed, he's forced into a life that occasions further reflection on fame and legend. All of this notwithstanding, the film lost at the box office, and you can't help but wonder if it's because, when people go to movies, they go to be surprised by the film's ending.

Where are the numbers on how many people walked into this movie expecting the deepest porno flick since Deep Throat, only to be treated to some Bond movie—a Bond movie starring Roger Moore no less.

The worst part is, it would take you a decent chunk of the film to realize you weren't watching a porno. A wealthy woman named Octopussy is in charge of an Octopus cult? Octopussy is also in an artifact-smuggling circus troupe? And no one gets butt-naked? That's a refund situation right there.

Shouldn't this be implied? You tried to kill us last summer after we covered up that car accident from the previous summer. You followed us on vacation this summer, all the way to the Caribbean, and you are still attempting to kill us. Why spell it out?

As if the killer fisherman hadn't beaten the dead horse enough, 2006 brought the straight-to-video release of I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer. We still hope in vain for the release of I Just Wanted to Remind You, Even Though I Haven't Tried to Kill You in a While, I Am Still Acutely Aware of What You Did Several Summers Ago, and Will Kill You Someday, You Terrible Young People Who Took My Daughter From Me.

This film has landed near the top of virtually every worst movie list ever made, but there's still no consensus about the pronunciation of the title. Supposedly you find out if you watch the entire career-killing movie, but you'll see a Criterion edition of Gigli before the Complex Pop Culture team takes the time to sit through this atrocity.

That guarantee goes out the window if Drake or Kendrick Lamar references Gigli in song anytime soon, and we're called upon to write the "Top 25 Hip-Hop References to Awful Movies, and What They're Really Saying" list. That just comes with the territory.

It stands to reason that whoever thought it was a good idea to bring the singing Chipmunks of "Me, I want a hula hoop" fame back for a trilogy of films would also authorize calling something a "squeakquel."

We could delve into the plot a bit more deeply, discussing the rivalry between the Chipmunks and the Chipettes that plays out during the run up to a high school Battle of the Bands, but we don't want to make you any more angry than when we tell you that the film grossed $400 million at the box office.

And you're out there, with student loans and a fuck-up kid brother who can't stay in school—the Chipmunks really don't care about us.

The Chipmunks and the Chippettes get into all sorts of hijinks on the high-seas in the third installment of the Chipmunks trilogy. We agonized over whether to rank this higher or lower than the "Squeakuel," until we finally decided that these two titles are a tie in terms of terribleness.

Ultimately, Chipwrecked is worse because it was less profitable, only making $350 million. Instead of ever watching this film, read David Cross' account of working on Chipwrecked, a.k.a. "the most unpleasant experience" of his career.

Saddling this film with an awful title was the right thing to do. It was the merciful thing to do, as it serves as a signal to curious filmgoers that they should stay far, far away.

It's hard to believe that a plot featuring the Hulkster as a body-building supplement entrepreneur who gets amnesia on his way to a paintball tournament and comes to believe he is Santa Clause wouldn't make for entertaining viewing, but trust—it doesn't.

The film lasted two weeks in theaters, grossing a paltry quarter-million dollars at the box office. Industry vets call that Old Yellering.

Truly, the world isn't good enough for Mother, May I Sleep with Danger? What have we, as people, done to deserve what is clearly the most ridiculously bad title in the history of moving images?

Send this film into space so that alien races can know what humans accomplished on this small, blue planet. The achievements were, cosmically-speaking, modest—the Great Wall of China, the Sistine Chapel, the Great Pyramid of Giza—but this film's title stands as the truest monument to us all.