We have no problem with throwing yourself an extravagant, gaudy wedding. As a publication that calls your coolness into question if you have less than ten pairs of Jordan IIIs, we downright appreciate your exaggerated sense of self-worth. We live in a world of starving children, genocide, and Jerry Sandusky, but that Vera Wang gown is so you, and display cakes are for poor people. 

So, if you can’t afford an open bar, don’t have a wedding. Reception formalities are insufferable. If you expect your guests to flock to the dance floor when they hear "I Gotta Feeling" and sit quietly through fifteen-minute toasts from the bride's mom, you better be supplying the booze.