3. KIRSTIE ALLEY 

She has put an end to countless pizzas and metric tons of fudge over the years, and there is no doubt that Kirstie Alley’s mountainous frame would give Liam Neeson a good fight, but the venerable actor has more than enough guile and toughness to get by. But to make this fight really interesting, we suggest it takes place around noon, right when Alley is prepping for her third lunch, with Neeson slathered with Nutella.

Neeson won’t have much luck trying to lift or strike Alley below her neck, but if he keeps her moving for more than three minutes, it’s inevitable that she’ll collapse due to exhaustion. And just like that, another Hollywood heavyweight is down for the count.