You can only watch so many recaps of the Super Bowl (shout out to the victorious New Orleans Saints, led by battle rap master Drew Brees, and to their fine-ass cheerleaders!). Tune that, and the six-man analyst teams rewording and rehashing the same points, out, and watch or record these shows to kick off life after the NFL season...
REALITY: CELEBRITY FIT CLUB: BOOT CAMP, VH1, 9 PM ET
• In the seventh season premier, a whole new crew of fat celebrities, including Bobby Brown, Skid Row's Sebastien Bach, Shar Jackson, and your boy Kevin Federline, attempt to get their bloated asses in shape. Prepare all your, "It looks like K-Fed...himself too many Twinkies!" jokes.
COMEDY: CHUCK, NBC, 8 PM ET
• Things get interesting for tech geek turned super spy Chuck, when Agent Shaw (Brandon Routh, a.k.a. Superman that ho) teams him with a sexy spy played by guest star Kristin Kreuk so he can partner with Chuck's chick Sarah (Yvonne Strahovski). Here's to hoping Chuck spies on Kreuk changing and uncovers government secrets in her thong.
DRAMA: HOUSE, FOX, 8 PM ET
• Everybody's favorite ornery, pill-addicted doc falls back for an episode as we see Princeton Plainsboro through the eyes of his adversary and Dean of Medicine, Dr. Lisa Cuddy. Our fingers are crossed that she spends a lot of time peeping over stalls in the ladies restroom.
[Also watch/record: Damages, FX, 10 p.m. e.t.]
MOVIE: FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL, HBO, 9 PM ET
• A romantic comedy that won't invert your penis, this post-relationship romp about an average guy trying to recover after his actress girlfriend dumps him stars several of our favorite people: Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell, Jason Segel, and Jonah Hill. Don't trust us that it won't invert your penis? Dude, there's a Paul Rudd "I wonder if the carpet matches her pubes" punch line!
SPORTS: KANSAS VS. TEXAS MEN'S COLLEGE BASKETBALL, ESPN, 9 PM ET
• The Jayhawks (ranked #1 in the nation) and Longhorns (#10) have both been the top team in the country. The 'Horns try to hook 'em some 'Hawks and work their way back up the rankings. We pause ourselves while wondering why the Texas fan isn't popularly referred to as Long 'n' Horny.
[Also watch/record: Villanova (#2) vs. West Virginia (#6), ESPN, 7 p.m. e.t.]
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