The recipe for a Christmas anthem goes as such:
A swirl of strings sweeter than a gingerbread cookie with extra frosting, a sprinkle of glockenspiel, jangly jingle bells shaking from Santa's sleigh, cellos to move your oversized Christmas heart, the special twinkly feeling you get when cuddling under a garland-garnished tree, perhaps a choir of baby angels…and a handful of pussy popping. A lot of pussy popping.
A dash of crack-licking too.
The holidays are much raunchier thanks to T. Kyle MacMahon and his mash-up of Ariana Grande's cutesy 2014 track "Santa Tell Me" and Khia's oft-parodied sex classic "My Neck, My Back" from 2002. He calls it "Khia Tell Me." Take a listen:
"I want to see people blasting this at their Christmas parties with their grandparents being horrified," designer T. Kyle said over the phone from his New York apartment. "Or someone blasting it in a store that they work in and getting in trouble. I was like, 'Play this for your parents at your Christmas party.'"
Kyle thrives on making viral videos and GIFs (just take a look at his weird-ass peanut butter baby mash-up) and describes himself as being proficient in speaking in Real Housewives quotes. You'll see his work on Tumblr, MTV, and Vine; the latter is where "Khia Tell Me" is going viral.
"Khia Tell Me" uses a karaoke version of "Santa Tell Me," which begins with a dreamy string intro that floats gently into the nasty, "All you ladies pop your pussy like this/Shake your body, don't stop, don't miss." Khia's opening "My Neck" verse cuts into the innocent instrumentation of Ari's charming song and hits you like rum in a creamy hot chocolate that you didn't know was spiked.
Alx James, who's famous on Vine with eight million followers and nearly 2.5 billion loops, twirls into frame during the dulcet intro, slinging presents over his shoulders while wearing a "naughty" Santa hat. Khia's gritty rap comes in and Alx thrusts wildly. The Vine has 5 million views, and it's just one of the many that use T. Kyle's mix.
T. Kyle got his inspiration from lol adam's Vine—a six-second mash-up of Ari and Khia—and when he tweeted it to his friends, they requested a full version. Little did he know that lol adam had a full version of his own. Both mash-ups differ, but T. Kyle's took off.
"I love it. I made it in full so people would use it," Kyle said. "It's kind of what my goal was, and people could mash it up everywhere." His favorite rendition features "A Charlie Brown Christmas."
There's "Khia Tell Me" with twerking:
A dancing tree:
The dancing pumpkin man:
Harry Styles dancing:
Of course, here's T. Kyle's:
It took two days to perfect the track—and that means two full days of tinkering with the audio, tweaking the tempo of each song so they'd synch together perfectly. "I kept trying and trying and trying and then I finally got them synched," he said. "And then I was like, 'OK, how am I gonna cut this up to be an actual song? With the chorus, which parts are gonna go where?'"
T. Kyle does some of his work sleep deprived, which cuts down on any self-doubting and amps up the strange—a process that works great for six-second Vines. But "Khia Tell Me" was his first full-length project.
"I've never done a full song before," he said. "I've really just been doing Vines—more short form like Vine memes that come and go. So this is the first time where I was like, 'OK, this is a full-length track that needs a chorus and has to be timed properly.' It was way different than anything I've done before. It's ho, ho, ho for a reason."
After all, isn't a raunchy Christmas tune what we needed all along? Get in the holiday spirit with Khia's 2014 Christmas vlog, too:
