5 things about adulting you have to learn the hard way

As we grow up, most of us have a vague understanding that one day, we'll have to be more responsible. But what exactly adulthood entails can be nebulous.

That's why a recent Quora thread asks real-life adults, "What is it that nobody tells you about adult life?"

Here are some tidbits of wisdom that might prepare you for adulthood, or at least help you through it—because even if you're technically an adult, you'll always have some growing up to do.

Growing up, girls are taught to follow their dreams because they can do whatever they set their minds to. But in reality, women are still undervalued in the workplace, expected to do the majority of household labor, and held back from leadership positions.

"Gender equality may still be more of an ideal," Jill Uchiyama said she learned.

"In reality, statistics still show that women are still doing more of the care taking and housework. Unless a woman is single, it is very hard to balance her own evolution, which includes time for exploring her goals, actualizing dreams, and climbing up ladders-—while taking care of a family."

As a kid, you'll pretty much play with anyone you meet on the playground. In college, you're surrounded by a ton of people your age with common experiences. But as you grow up and find a narrower niche in life, identifying people who share your interests and values becomes harder.

"You don't see your friends every day, but you see these random people you work with. Are they my friends? I don't even like them that much," admitted Prarthana Kulkarni.

"Once you leave college and most of the world treats you as an adult, the ease of creating relationships is MUCH harder, I've found. I have to actively seek out people with similar interests, and not all my hobbies encourage large groups with big interaction, and many similar interests have a lot of variance," they added.

One anonymous user agreed: "Friendships aren't the same that they used to be. Most of my friends are in different cities, states, countries. You have to deal with it. Also, to make it more difficult—making new friends isn't as easy as it was before."

In addition, "best friends can become worst enemies," warned Steven N Czetli.

So if you suddenly started feeling a lot less popular after you graduated from college, it's not just you—it's just part of growing up.

Having a high IQ doesn't always mean you'll succeed. In fact, Quora users think the people most likely to come out on top are the hardest workers.

"Brains aren't enough," warned Stephen Martin, who said he was told the world was his oyster because he was smart, only to realize there were a ton of people as smart as him and more successful. "Persistence is the most important ingredient in success."

Bari Bardhan learned the same lesson in adulthood. "The highest achievers are not necessarily the smartest people in the room," he explained.

"High achievement is a function of many factors, of which innate intelligence is only one component. A growth-oriented mindset, a willingness to take on challenges, and dogged determination are better indicators of success than an IQ score obtained as a child."

This claim has been scientifically verified. One study found that self-discipline influenced students' grades twice as much as IQ, and other studies have found that conscientiousness correlates with higher income, marriage satisfaction, and even better health.

So just because you're smart, doesn't mean you can slack off. And if you're not the brightest bulb in the box, that doesn't mean you can't succeed.

If you're not going to be nice because it's the right thing to do, be nice for selfish reasons.

Stephen Martin explained that you should be nice to everyone including those who seem less powerful, since you never know who might be able to help you.

"When I started my first job, I only took notice of the people I worked with directly. What I didn't realize is I was snubbing everyone else. Unfortunately, when I needed something from one of them, they could be downright mean," he wrote.

"In my next job, I decided to go out of my way to be nice to everyone. Unexpectedly, the guys in the stock room were willing to bend rules for me time and again. Those guys saved my ass on many occasions. A little courtesy pays big dividends."

That may not the best reason to treat people kindly, but it has the same effect as practicing kindness for its own sake.

Even though you've just been given advice, take it with a grain of salt—especially if the people who provided it are extremely successful.

Words of wisdom from people who succeeded against the odds can give the false impression that doing whatever they did will land you in the same position. But in reality, there are plenty of people who've done the same things and ended up in less favorable situations—that's why you have to carve your own path.

Patrick Mathieson said that due to a cognitive tendency known as "survivorship bias," people in highly favorable positions are not representative of the general population. But, of course, they're usually the ones giving advice about success.

Jill Uchiyama added that in order to find your own success, you must learn that leadership is about taking responsibility.

"It has to do with how willing and able you are to take responsibility for every aspect of your work. Leadership is not about having the best ideas, or being the most skilled worker but how thoroughly you pay attention to what is being done and created. A leader is there from start to finish while followers will cut out when they feel they've satisfied their part of the job," she said.

Jill Uchiyama added that even if you fail (which will happen), "effort made toward a goal or breaking through your own limits is never a waste of time."

"It's never too late and your past effort will be felt and remembered when you step up to the challenge."