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Domino's, a longtime provider of pies of the pizza variety, has announced the launch of its new Paving for Pizza campaign in an effort to repair shitty roads that are so shitty they just might impact the delivery of their products. Immediately affected cities include Burbank, Bartonville, Athens, and Milford. I have no idea where Bartonville and Milford even are, but I'm guessing they eat pizza there too.
For the creative director of CP+B, the ad agency behind the program, the company's move from mere pizza insurance programs to literal road-paving was a no-brainer. "People understand that Domino’s is willing to go above and beyond to protect the sanctity of their product," Kelly McCormick told Adweek Monday. Protecting pizza sanctity, McCormick added, can only truly be achieved through "a true bold stake in the ground" such as road repair.
Thus far, more than 50 pizza-punching potholes have been fixed. If you're convinced you reside in an area with roads that only a pizza restaurant chain could reasonably fix, you can hit up the Paving for Pizza site to request their services in your town.
Of course, if Domino's was really serious about making a statement, they'd forgo paving these roads with whatever roads are typically paved with and instead pave them with the discarded pizza remnants of their enemies. After all, everyone knows the best source of road-paving materials is found tucked away in stale Papa John's pizza crust.