"The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was to convince men that vests are what's up. They are, almost without exception, not 'up.' You have the vests with the nipped-in waists, the satin-back with the buckle, and the tiny pocket to tuck in your common sense. I'm thinking carriage drivers, Caribbean stud poker dealers, organ-grinder monkeys, and Magic Mike. Of course, the waistcoat looks great if you're James Bond, Sherlock Holmes, or a leprechaun. But you're not, so you look like Duck Dynasty or Flo-Rida. And your body temperature is in unregulated chaos."