Nominees
1) Roger Goodell: Bungles seemingly every decision put in front of him and still cleared $44 million dollars doing it. All the while, he does it with the grin of a man who knows the same people that hate him can't and won't stop watching his product. Not unlike a drug dealer with great crack.

2) Sepp Blatter: The hammer finally drops on FIFA's corruption, but Blatter evades arrest. Reports indicate he won't enter the U.S. out of fear of the feds.

3) Britt McHenry: Freaks out on a woman on a surveillance video (who was suspiciously edited out) and somehow manages to make tow truck companies sympathetic in the process.

4) Adrian Peterson: The spankings he's been putting on NFL defenses apparently pale in comparison to the spankings he puts on his son.

5) Ray Rice: As the 2014 NFL season begins, video drops of Rice decking his fiancée, which proves that something fishy did indeed happen when he dragged her unconscious body out of an elevator. Damn, we never would've guessed.

*Drum Roll*

Winner
Sepp Blatter: 
Some of those stadiums FIFA has been pushing forth for the 2022 World Cup in Qatar look pretty dope. The fact they're being erected by migrant workers/modern day slaves working for free (and possibly to death) to build them in hotter-than-hell heat will only kill your buzz if you let it. It's doubtful anything will be done about it, so all we can do is hope that their plight is recorded, so some future jerkoff doesn't give credit to "ancient aliens."