When the mood for a lifelong commitment in the name of love strikes someone in the middle of a crowded Walmart, what's this person to do? For one Michigan man, a man of no known relation to the esteemed Florida man, you should just roll with it by getting engaged in the presence of some joyfully low prices before hitting the local mall for a quick sex toy shoplifting spree.

William J. Cornelius Jr. reportedly asked a certainly enthused Walmart employee to read his "proposal note" over the store's public address system after purchasing a ring for the low, low price of $29.62, according to MLive. Cornelius and his fiancée then engaged in some "hugging and kissing" while shoppers and workers united for some quick clapping. Apparently feeling "brash" after receiving a narcotic during a recent hospital visit, Cornelius and the woman then relocated the early New Year's Eve celebration to the nearby Bay City Mall for some last-minute gift ideas:

Deputies later located Cornelius sleeping in the mall's food court, apparently having fallen asleep at a table while tying his shoes, court records show. They awoke Cornelius and searched him, finding on him a watch, an edible thong, a sex toy, panties, and sex candy from Spencer's valued at a total of $80.93, court records show.

The woman had been picked up shortly before authorities discovered a sleeping Cornelius, though she denied involvement in the sex toys lifted from Spencer's. A stolen silver necklace and pair of gold earrings were discovered on her person, though she also denied involvement in their attainment. Cornelius was ultimately charged on one count of third-degree retail fraud, punishable with a $500 fine and "up to" 93 days in jail.

If only Walmart sold a wider variety of sex toys, they could have saved this Michigan man a lot of time.