Powers: Generates powerful gusts of wind to blow away petitions, a completely apathetic tone, and the ability to teleport through protests and demonstrations.

Gear: Grappling (with complex issues) hook, and craft brews to distract thirsty activists.

When Portlanders aren't focused on being weird and quirky for the sake of being weird and quirky, they are trying to save things. As the blog Things About Portland That Suck put it, "Everyone in Portland is trying to save something about our world. Although you can't see it at first glance, each person has an agenda. To discover a hidden personal agenda simply ask them, 'What are you passionate about?'" Who will save us from the savers? The Dispassionate Defender, that's who!