How am I not going to crown a man on his own wedding night? Tyrion turns the most degrading moment of his life into a solid performance in this episode. Even though we doubt he is ever going to seduce Sansa Stark, he wins our hearts yet again when he muses early on, "You won't be my prisoner after today, you'll be my wife. I suppose that's a different kind of prison."

For a minute there, it looked like our boy might go crownless, after he suffered a ego bruise at his wedding ceremony. Somehow, he holds it together as the peanut gallery chortles at his difficulty with the old "put the cape on your wife's back" portion of the ceremony. As expected, he comes back to regain baller status at the wedding banquet, because you know our boy always shines at the after party. It was going to take a lot more than a wardrobe malfunction to dull the power of lines like, "I am the God of tits and wine. I shall build a shrine to myself." Tyrion follows that up by threatening to castrate Joffrey, so that "[he'll] be fucking [his] own bride with a wooden cock." He goes on to play up his drunkenness to avoid reprisal for calling out the King, getting away with his loose tongue free and clear.

For those of you who are not yet entertained, there was yet another dope moment from everyone's favorite Lannister. After Tyrion tells Sansa he will never force himself on her, she asks what will happen if she never wants a piece of the Imp. Ever the G, Tyrion sits down, kicks up his feet and says, "And so my watch begins."

Never in the history of marriage has a man not gotten laid on his wedding night and looked this good.