5. Make some straightforward comedies.

When he wants to be, Depp can be pretty damn funny. His irreverent line delivery and comedic timing were the only things that kept our asses in the seats while seeing the first two Pirates Of The Caribbean movies in theaters. And, on a much smaller scale, he’s proven his quirky sense of humor in dark comedies like 1994’s Ed Wood and 1998’s Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas.

Though he might not seem like an obvious choice for such a tone, we’d love to see Depp take on a comedy of Cyrus proportions; meaning, independently financed, more cerebral than boisterous, and artsy enough to not earn him any “sellout” attacks.

Just think of how fresh it’d be to see Depp in a lo-fi buddy comedy with John C. Reilly, who’s the undisputed king of no-budget laugh-fests. Here’s the pitch: Depp plays a womanizing and wisecracking alcoholic who has to go on a weekend retreat with his nebbish AA sponsor, played by Reilly. That’d shut down Sundance faster than news of Robert Redford-spawned secret love child. Sorry, Arnold.