Date: November 6

"America has a history of sending hilariously chosen things out to space. Consider the Voyager, for which we sent a number of 'representative' records out into the great unknown. On it were works by Mozart and Stravinsky—as if aliens would give a fuck. In all seriousness, it is a well-documented fact that aliens listen to Future exclusively.

This time, though, we've outdone ourselves in terms of ridiculousness—Lady Gaga is going to be a passenger on one of Richard Branson's (Virgin Group's blonde-haired billionaire) commercial flights. The countdown might as well start now, though she isn't scheduled to leave the earth until 2015. As if just her presence wasn't enough, she will also be performing. Presumably, she hasn't decided on her space repertoire yet, but maybe (ideally) she'll just do covers of David Bowie songs." —Alexander Gleckman