Date: July 25

We suspect that DJ Khaled is the world's only real beneficiary of The Secret. It can be no coincidence that the film and its accompanying book were released in 2006, just prior to DJ Khaled's acension to rap industry greatness. Film producer and book writer Rhonda Byrne claims that positive thinking can create life-changing results. The book's primary "science" argues that the Law of Attraction dictates the order of the universe, which states that whatever energy we give off, we are likely to attract back. So if you are an angry person, you give off that energy, and anger will come back to you. As a general Do Unto Others kind of principle, it's not a bad way of looking at the world. As an overriding philosophy that comes down to "dream of being rich and you will become rich," it is largely bullshit.

Unless you are DJ Khaled, who has managed to Win simply by saying that all he does is win, who managed to take over simply by declaring that he was in the process of doing exactly that. His next step was announced this week, and it involves marrying Nicki Minaj. Although this inspired countless memes mocking the 37-year-old, Khaled's track record suggests there is approximately a .0847% chance that they will not be married by this time next year, thanks in large part to the law of attraction. —David Drake

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