Jay-Z, and every other celebrity. Worse yet, this person will @ these celebrities, too. Really, the entire night is an exercise in social media abuse for this individual. Live tweets of every single event detail, from the hors d'oeuvres to the decor, will be shared with their clueless Midwestern followers. Event-related hashtags will be used in excess, and Instagram will become this person's personal photo album for the evening.

If this person manages to get a photo with a celebrity, they will spend the rest of the night orgasming over the thought of how many Likes it will get when they make it their Facebook profile picture. This person will also @ you 30 seconds after your 30 second conversation, followed by another mention after the party when they shout out everyone they saw at the event.

A retweet from Elliott Wilson by morning is this person's ultimate goal, and there's nothing you can do to stop them.