Fiona Apple was arrested earlier this week at a Texas border stop for drug possession after hashish was found on her bus. She was released after spending a night in a Texas jail, and last night in Houston, she spoke about the arrest publicly. It sounds like Fiona's got some dirt on the cops that arrested her. Read her statement below, and also watch the footage.

Now, most of the people were very nice to me. There are four of you out there, and I want you to know that I heard everything you did. I wrote it all down with your names and everything you did and said stupidly thinking that I couldn’t hear or see you. I then ripped the paper up, but not before I encoded it and– I got two lock boxes. We’ll call them 'holding cell one' and 'holding cell two.' In 'holding cell one' is the encoded version of the shit that you did that I know was inappropriate and probably illegal. In 'holding cell two' is the decoder. I’m the only one who holds the key, and you and I will be intimate forever because I will hold that secret forever. Unless of course the celebrity that you had so much interest in but you wanted to accuse me of bringing up while you laughed at me all night? Unless you’re interested in being a celebrity, I’ll make you fucking famous any time you ask and I’ll open those boxes. So why don’t you stay in your fucking holding cell?

[via Pigeons & Planes]