Image via Complex Original
Sup? Just beamed down from my space home where time isn’t linear to take you back to “the early 2000’s”. During that period, Rap City: Tha Basement was popular with teenage boys because a.) It kept them off the streets by giving them something gangster to watch while tougher kids were in the streets and b.) It got them hip to hip-hop stylings that deeply worried their parents. I downloaded a fashion memory card to my brain on the trip down and I’m feeling opinion-y. Now shut the fuck up and get in my lunarchopper. I’ll explain on the way.
Rick Morrison is a writer living in North Carolina. Follow him on Twitter here.
rapcitylead
Bizarre
First stop: D12’s Bizarre—who will, sadly, pass away in your “2016” after doing two and a half sit-ups to get buff, and never, ever getting up. Here we see him wearing an embroidered showercap that says “DETROIT.” Despite looking like the business end of a turkey leg, his cap matches his jersey, which, in 2003, made him THE homo sapien. At least, according to my intergalactic anthropology professor.
The Game
This is the Game, and this shirt missed making it into the Smithsonian by one committee member vote. That committee member was 50 Cent.
Scarface
Scarface came through—Geto Boy beta bitches in tow—adorned in some of the most sumptuous chinchilla I have ever seen on the Internet. He also brought a separate stole just to drape over the mic while he rapped. SCARFACE, WILL YOU BE MY LEGAL GUARDIAN? CHECK ONE:
[ ] YES!!!!
[ ] MAYBE
[ ] DIE SLOW
Elephant Man
My favorite part about this outfit is how it looks like someone yanked Elephant Man out of a disco-witchdoctor ice cream social and told him Big Tigger needed someone—anyone—on the show. STAT.
Mack 10 Red Cafe
You don’t see a whole lot of novelty graphic tees on Rap City, so when you do it’s like WHOA did your baby’s mother burn down your crib full of Enyce and Akademiks? But slow your roll, Grover, there’s some stuff going on beneath the surface here. Both shirts are color mirrors of each other in a yin-yang kind of way. Furthermore, each is providing commentary on corporate logos as a whole. I am not a philosopher or I could actually understand these things on your behalf.
busta rhymes
I’ve watched this video twenty times and recognize maybe five of the eighty-nine logos on this jacket. I like to imagine he treats it like a passport and gets a logo stamped on every time he walks into a new place of business. (Sidebar: that baby blue leather is q. rare because you can only get it by feeding a cow cotton candy and then bathing it in sherbet.)
Fat Joe
Fat Joe’s outfit looks great in a my-3D-printer-ran-out-of-red-ink kind of way. But if you had a 3-letter name and it wasn’t on a leather bucket hat after this aired you were bunk city.
Bow wow
This is the most we see of Bow Wow’s outfit because of his height limitations, but this military shirt (with epaulets!) was ahead of its time. In a way, that makes everyone who now owns a military shirt (with epaulets!) want to burn it for being influenced by Bow Wow. But I hear he’s signed to Cash Money Records now? Which makes sense because someonehas to wring the molly water out of Wayne’s TRUKFIT scarves.
xzibit
Guys, I’m gonna get something off my chest instead of commenting on how proper this jacket with five dice embroidered on it is. In tenth grade there was a girl who had tight cornrows and a bitchy resting face so my friends and I called her Xzibit behind her back. One day we said it too loudly and she heard us. Her expression made it clear our comments cut deep. She walked out of the cafeteria and we never saw her again. She TRANSFERRED because we thought she looked like this guy. That says less about how mean we were than it does about Xzibit needing to work on his image if people will uproot their entire life to avoid being compared to him.
Beanie
I don’t care how many of Beanie’s grandma’s vinyl couches (7) had to die for this Rocawear jacket. I’d be honored to sweat my balls off in that.
Jadakiss
Hi, Jadakiss. I’d like a spicy crunchy tuna roll, two pieces of nigiri, and for your main girl to momma bird sake into my mouth. Ha! Just kidding! I hate nigiri, please take it back.
camron
Killa Cam, tell me where you got this slouchy, contrast-collar Ringling Bros. away jersey and I’ll take J.R. Writer off your hands.
snoop
This sweatshirt/beanie combo is made from Fresh Prince inside-out sportcoat linings, which makes Snoop a special star in our childhood nostalgia firmament.
crime mob
I’m not going to pretend I know or care who comprises the group known as Crime Mob just to impress you good, but I want to draw your attention to the velour jacket with the Legends of the Hidden Temple insignia where Ryan Gosling’s scorpion is supposed to go. Is that not fucking hot? I bet he’s uncomfortably warm, but he looks swell!
kanye1
Out of nowhere, Yeezus comes in hot with the black on slightly less black layering and gold chain a la 2012. Those sunglasses indoors aren’t doing it for me though. ‘Ye, you’re not Lil Jon—you don’t have the eyes of a Pug who just heard thunder. Lose ‘em.
kanye2
I’ve lost track of all the Kanye media lately, but I do know that his Louie backpack has come up at least thrice in the last week. And there it fucking is. I have a gut feeling there’s a show-caliber Yorkie asleep inside.
ghostface
What you can’t tell from this picture is that Ghostface—in the impeccable color blocked leather jacket with Snoopy embroidered on the breast—just bops around the booth while Raekwon raps on the toilet. I’m a sucker for ambiance.
juelz
When Cam’ron and Jim Jones got bored on tour, they’d make Juelz lie on the floor of the bus in this jacket and play checkers on his back. Instead of "king me" they'd say "no homo."
jd williams
I’m at a loss for what qualifies the guy from The Wire to be in the booth, but that varsity jacket made of camel hair and albino manatee leather has a pointed collar on it so wide I’m more inclined to call it a lapel.
sign
Honorable Mention: This Sign
I’ve got a 12:30 appointment with my mom’s prison tattoo lady. This screenshot is on my phone for reference.
