Dennis Rodman's Wardrobe Is Ruining Any Hope of Decent U.S. and North Korea Relations

Dennis Rodman's weird relationship with Kim-Jung Un and Dennis Rodman's tumultuous relationship with a mirror have gone full tilt with his latest trip back to North Korea. Taking six former NBA players with him to pay homage to the diabolical leader by playing a basketball game for him on his birthday was yet another one of Rodman's stunts to prove his relationship with Un is just really fucking weird.

The Dutch Oven Rodman has planted may be solely based on this relationship he's built with Kim-Jong Un, but it's really hurting the U.S.'s chances of establishing any serious talk about resolution. And you want to know why? Because the Worm's wardrobe is shit. There. Pink scarves, scarves galore and the same damn tuxedo vest? It's finally been said and we can all realize why Dennis Rodman's Wardrobe Is Ruining Any Hope of Decent U.S. and North Korea Relations.

What Kim-Jong Un thinks: "Is this what Americans call 'loungewear?' I wouldn't even wipe my mouth after eating America's heart with these clothing items."

We all know Dennis Rodman is a habitual troll, but as the U.S. representative of trolling, he's doing a damn fine job. An Affliction T-shirt? Bro trollin'. Sperry Top-siders? Bangin' bitches on a yacht trollin'. Basketball warm-up pants would've completed the ultimate wardrobe trolling had they been tearaways, though.

What Kim-Jong Un thinks: "Rodman is paying homage to the East with the message on his vest. I like him for this. Mental note: All North Korean clothing brands must have East-inspired messaging on it or brand shut down, factory burned and owner killed."

Yo, Rodman is hugging Kim-Jong Un in this picture. Maybe he isn't so bad for U.S. and North Korea relati...wait one god damn minute. Is this motherfucker wearing a shiny vest and those damn warm-up pants to greet a country's leader? Holy shit, and y'all thought Justin Bieber was fucked up, this is practically treason.

What Kim-Jong Un thinks: "Too many scarves, and when there is too much of something, I take it as a threat. Too many children in one house means family is starting an Army. Too many Skittles in one pack means war on health. Mental note: kill all sick people in North Korea."

"I like bad scarfs, that's my fuckin' problem." Rodman rolled up to North Korea looking like a Cabaret dancer with something like 22 scarves wrapped around his neck. No one man should have all these shrouds. We know his eccentricities have led him down a path of scarfhood, but too many scarves can be seen as a form of weaponry for asphyxiation. Which Rodman assuredly performed in his hotel room later that night.

What Kim-Jong Un thinks: "Is Dennis mocking me? I've heard people say I have the shape of a penguin. They are now dead. Mental note: after I get rid of Rodman, wipe out all penguins and everyone's memory of those damn birds."

God damnit, Dennis. GOD DAMNIT. Do you not like America, man? Do you hate us so much that you channel your inner Lloyd Christmas to rock a fucking long-tail tuxedo top and a god damn T-shirt to take a proverbial shit on Un's formal demeanor? This jacket alone very well may be the start of World War 3, Dennis, and that's on your head.

What Kim-Jong Un thinks: "This is too flamboyant for my liking. I wouldn't even allow a woman to wear this. Mental note: check on woman in captivity who wore capris. Too much ankle."

Ugh, Dennis! You almost salvaged the U.S./North Korean relationship with the shirt until you looked in the mirror and said, "Yeah, this outfit needs 290382 more things." And appearance #2 of the vest is making Un nervous, like you're trying to insult him, maybe?

What Kim-Jong Un thinks: "Oh, I like a jacket with weaponry designed into it. One shoulder from Rodman to my ends would be a death blow with those jagged studs. Must add to military uniform, STAT."

This drunken meltdown on CNN (blame it on the Goose!) drew so much ire to this national catastrophe that everyone was too pissed to notice all of the douchery dripping from his jacket. The whole outfit is an assortment of fuckery North Korea won't stand for as they are a no-fuckery-of-any-sorts type of country. Also, there was a collective "FUUUUUCK!" from all Bostonians.

What Kim-Jong Un thinks: "Does this vest mean something? Does he think I don't know he already wore this? Do Americans think I am blind to such formalities? Mental note: kill any North Korean wearing a vest on site."

OK, so this time he's skipped all the formalities and has gone shirtless under the vest. When discussing foreign affairs, one cannot be bothered with the sleeves of injustice or the collar of oppression.

What Kim-Jong Un thinks: "Such feminine colors a man should never be seen in. U.S. is too lax on dress codes. Must make them see the light, but, you know, with darkness."

Is pink even on North Korea's color wheel? Probably not, which means Rodman is now exposing people to new visual sensations that may cause rebellion. Un may let that pass, but the scarf will send him over the edge, forcing him to put a nice pink tack on his "Nuke 'Em" map right smack dab in the middle of the U.S.

What Kim-Jong Un thinks: "That was a good game, but is it bright in here? I will have the light technician killed later."

Drugs are bad, people. The effects of some drugs may cause one to make confused and ill-advised decisions, like wearing shades with a basketball uniform while singing happy birthday to America's biggest nuclear threat.

What Kim-Jong Un thinks: "Welcome to the family, brother!"

We've lost him, folks. Dennis Rodman is a full-blooded North Korean with this dictator-chic suit that buttons up to his eyeballs. He has been named the honorary vice-leader of the country and him and Un got matching "Blood Brother" tattoos on their inner thighs.